“Of course I had regrets, Dixon. I suppose most people do. There were things that I had wanted to do, would never get to do, odd little things I’d never know. I didn’t want to die. No one does.”
Yours?
It clicked suddenly. When Reaper injected Dixon with that drug, when he fell over onto the ground and had gotten so ill, he’d thought his life was over. He wasn’t pissed off about Tristan saving Lila at his expense. His dark moods had been triggered by the thoughts that had come to him while poisoned, while lying on the ground thinking he’d die. He was having trouble coming to terms with it.
In his mind, she wasn’t.
Dixon saw it on her face as she figured it out. I’ve been hurt, beaten, but I never thought they’d kill me. This time I saw Tristan stab Reaper. I heard Tristan threaten to kill him if I didn’t make it. I was scared for us both. I calm him. You do too. If something happens to us, bad things will happen. I don’t like that.
“There are a lot of things I don’t like, Dixon, but they are what they are.”
Almost dying makes you think, doesn’t it?
“About what?”
Regrets. He started to write more, then crossed it out.
“I had them too, Dixon. It’s normal. I had regrets about big things and little things all at once. I’d never learned Zoe’s name. I’d never found out how you’d gotten all those scars on your back. Tristan and I had never…” She waved her hand, fumbling.
And now?
“Now what?”
Tristan.
“He’s trying too hard. He sends me all these messages, wants me to come over constantly, tells me that he misses me all the time. It’s too much.”
Workborns don’t hold back. Workborns find one person they like and latch on. They keep them close. He almost lost you last week. Twice. He’s still upset about it.
“I know.”
No, you don’t. He’s holding himself back a great deal, and he’s having to try for both of you. That’s not fair.
“I’m still here, aren’t I?”
That’s not good enough. He’s my brother, and he deserves to be happy. You do too.
Lila cocked her head. “People don’t make other people happy, Dixon. You can only do that for yourself.”
What a bunch of highborn twaddle! Dixon smacked her in the head with his notepad.
Lila rubbed her skull. “Very mature.”
Love makes fools of us all, Lila. At least the workborn admit it.
“What did you regret?”
He doodled on the side of his page, and Lila thought he might not answer. I thought Reaper would get away with it. I thought you and Tristan might never get together if I wasn’t around to help. He grinned smugly like a gloating, self-satisfied fairy godmother. I thought I’d never have a chance to fall in love for real, like the workborns, or have kids. I thought I would die without paying back the ones who hurt me.
“Who hurt you?”
He looked at her face for a very long time, but it was obvious she hadn’t earned the truth yet, or perhaps he just wasn’t ready for her to know.
Lila put her head on his shoulder. “Don’t sweat it, Dixon. I’ll ask again another time.”
He nodded, put his arm around her, then leaned back into the couch.
The pair stayed like that for a while, Dixon’s quiet way calming her mind, slowing her rambling thoughts.