She wavered for a second and then nodded. “Fine, Julian. But she doesn’t owe you anything.”
“Of course.”
She got out her phone and texted. “There.”
“Thanks, Annie.”
She shook her head. A small smile came to her lips. “Good luck.”
Then she disappeared. And I needed every ounce of that luck if I was going to fix this with Jen.
41
Jennifer
“Hi, I’m here to see Helena Wright,” I said to the nurses’ desk. “Can I be buzzed through?”
“Sure thing, honey,” the nurse said.
The buzzer went off, and I yanked the door open.
“Thanks,” I threw out as I rushed forward.
Annie’s text had sent me into a frenzy. I hadn’t been responding to Julian’s messages. I wanted to, but I needed to decide what I was going to do about it all. He’d said he was sorry and that he wanted to fix things. But saying those things were not actions. And I didn’t know how to reconcile what he’d done with what I wanted from him. Not to mention, plucking up the courage that Chester’d had with our mom.
Anxiety was a part of who I was. It wasn’t who I was, but it was a defining point of my person. Did I risk Julian seeing me differently by divulging that? Did I risk everything by being my real self?
All I knew was that when I’d found out his mom was in the hospital, I had to get to him. I had to get to him right now. I was mad at him, but I wasn’t callous.
I stopped in front of the door for Helena’s room. My hand rose, but I didn’t knock. I was half-worried that I would be interrupting and half-worried that I would have no idea what to say. Welcome back, anxiety.
I took a deep breath and then knocked.
“Come in!” a voice called.
I turned the knob and found myself face-to-face with a room full of people. Julian and Jordan sat at their mom’s bedside with Hollin and Nora also there along with their dad and aunt. I’d met them all at some point, but I was blanking on their names. Mostly because I was now accosted with the sight of everyone staring at me.
“Hey,” I said with a small wave. “I just, uh, came to check on you.”
“Jennifer, I’m glad you’re here,” Helena said with a smile.
“Are you…are you doing all right?”
“Fine,” she said, staring at her sons. “They’re keeping me overnight, but I’m fine.”
“That’s such a relief. I’m glad to hear that. I was worried.”
Julian shot to his feet. “Can we talk?”
I eyed the room. Everyone tried to look anywhere but at me. I swallowed. Eesh. Then I nodded, backing out of the room.
I heard his mom and Hollin make fun of him from the open door and almost smiled a little at it. Clearly, everyone knew what was going on with us.
“Hey.” Julian pulled the door closed behind him, silencing the spatter of laughter. “Sorry about all of this. I’m glad that you came.”
“I wanted to make sure she was okay. And you too.”
He grinned. “I appreciate it. My mom does, too.”
“You could have texted yourself.”
“I wasn’t sure you were taking my texts.”
“And whose fault is that?” I snapped.
He clenched his jaw and nodded. “Mine. A hundred percent. All my fault.”
I sagged at those words. “No, it’s mine, too.”
“Not at all, Jennifer. I fucked this up. I hid the stuff with Ashleigh. I’m sorry I went to her at all. I’m sorry that I asked about your pills. I don’t deserve you even being here.”
“Well, those things were pretty bad.”
He laughed softly. “Yeah. I’m an idiot.” He gestured down the hall. “There’s a waiting room with chairs and a vending machine if you want.”
I nodded and walked side by side with him down the hallway and to the nice waiting room. It was thankfully empty. Julian paid for two waters and passed one to me. I was glad to have something to do with my hands.
He took a good sip and then sank into the couch next to me. “I want to apologize. Again.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s really not okay. I just…I had all this pressure on my shoulders. I thought I had to make the impossible happen. That everyone would think less of me for not doing it all. I was wrong. No one cared, but I learned that only after failing. And I told Ashleigh that if I had to work with her to get this, then it wasn’t worth it. I think—hope—that she finally got the picture. I won’t entertain any of her bullshit anymore.”
“That must have been hard.”
“It wasn’t,” he said easily. “You know, I was still harboring this deep wound from Ashleigh. I kept letting her dig back under my skin. There was a hole where she’d hurt me. But then you happened.”
“Me?” I whispered.
“You. I realized that the two years with Ashleigh was nothing. They were a lie. Nothing could ever compare to what I have with you.”