I didn’t know what to say. I was still in shock and, well, thinking about myself too. Anson and I had played our whole careers together. I’d been lucky enough to play for the same team since I first got into the league, but there were no guarantees that would last. I couldn’t imagine playing without him.
“Well, whatever you decide, I got your back. What would you do?”
“Probably work with West. Or…I don’t know. Find something of my own. Maybe it’ll even have something to do with football.”
I nodded, my thoughts still on what he’d just shared, even when Anson said, “I’m going to sleep. I can’t move,” and turned out the light.
I couldn’t sleep, though. My cell phone glowed, and I turned it down so it wouldn’t bother him.
Anson might retire soon.
Anson was football.
I had fun playing. It had been his life.
For some reason, my thoughts went to Jeremy. We’d been texting nearly every day since he went back to California. In some ways, maybe it was a strange friendship, but in others, it was perfect. We simply clicked, and it felt…right.
Me: Is being a lawyer your dream job?
Angel: No.
Me: Wow, that was quick!
Angel: It’s an easy answer. Do I like it? Yeah, especially when I win. But does it fulfill me? Nah.
Me: We know how you like being filled…
Okay, so the sex jokes were part of what made this different. I’d always been comfortable about sex, but I’d never talked to someone about gay sex. When Anson came out, other than the random joke here or there, it wasn’t a topic we discussed. Not because of any specific reason, but just like…why? Well, that wasn’t true. I’d asked him about anal once because I was curious, but again, he hadn’t been down for discussing it. But Jeremy and I had a similar sense of humor about it, we were both open about sex, and we both hooked up a lot, so it just happened.
Angel: I do the filling too, remember?
Me: Do you like one better than the other?
Why the fuck did I care?
Angel: Nope. I’m truly versatile. I like it both ways. What’s up with the job question?
I couldn’t tell him what Anson had said. I didn’t even know if West knew, and it was likely Anson would change his mind.
Me: Don’t know, really. Just thinking. I love football. It’s the best kind of high, and like you, I fucking love to win, but I don’t think it’s my be all, end all. Still, not ready to walk away from it yet.
Angel: That makes sense. You can always be an escort.
I laughed, and Anson mumbled something in his sleep. Shit. I hadn’t meant to be so loud.
Me: I’d probably be more famous than I am now.
Angel: You think so highly of your sexual prowess?
Me: If you’d see me having sex, you’d get it.
Angel: In my experience, those who brag often about something typically lack in that department.
Me: Oh, fuck you.
Angel: No, thank you.
Me: I’m hanging up now. I don’t think I can talk to you anymore. I just…how could you say such a thing? I don’t know how we get past this!
Angel: Jack off and go to bed. I researched what training camp is like. I don’t get how you’re not dead to the world.
He’d researched training camp? Wow. That…well, it made me smile—that Jeremy was that interested in what I did. It wasn’t in the way that usually bugged me, though. I hated only being liked for who I was, but that wasn’t the feeling I got from Jeremy.
Me: It’s brutal. It’s also cute that you’re interested. And I can’t jack off. Anson is sleeping in the next bed.
Angel: Ugh. I’m jealous. He might be my best friend’s husband, but he’s so hot.
Me: Hey, I’m hot too!
Why the fuck did Anson get all the attention?
Angel: Aw, does someone need their ego stroked? Of course you’re hot, Darren. You also have a great ass. You’re the second best-looking guy on the Lightning.
Me: I’m way better looking than Anson.
Angel: If you say so.
Me: I actually really hate you now.
Angel: You’re the weirdest straight man I’ve ever met. If you were queer, I’d totally do you. I’d probably even choose you over Anson. I just didn’t want to give you a bigger head than you already have. Feel better now?
I smiled.
Me: Yes, I do. If I were queer, I’d totally do you too.
Angel: Go me! I hypothetically scored a football player!
Me: LOL.
I yawned.
Me: I do really need to go. Night, Angel.
Angel: Night, Troublemaker.
Chapter Five
Jeremy
August
Killing Darren was a serious consideration at the moment.
I was already having a midlife crisis at forty. When did I get so old? I was recently divorced, feeling lonely and strange about my life, and then last month he’d had to go and ask if being a lawyer was my dream job.