In the morning I took him to the airport and wished I could have kissed him goodbye.
Chapter Fifteen
Jeremy
November
I didn’t know what Darren and I were. I didn’t know how long it would last or anything else, but I was determined to let myself enjoy the hell out of it. I hadn’t felt like this—like I was high on life, like I was important to someone—in a long time, maybe ever.
We were on opposite sides of the country, but I felt like Darren was with me all the time. He texted when he woke up, after practice, before a game, after a game, and we talked every night. We couldn’t get enough of each other. Every second we could snatch, we did, even though it was only through messages and calls.
I compared it to when people first fell in love, when it was all so new and exciting, but I’d be stupid to think that word when it came to him. Still, I couldn’t help it. I looked back at other relationships, even mine with Bobby, and hindsight made me see things in a different light. Maybe I’d always needed more than Bobby was able to give me. Maybe I lied to myself that the distance and missed connections hadn’t bothered me, but they had.
Which did and didn’t make sense at the same time. Darren and I had the distance, but it didn’t feel like it. He made me feel like a priority, and not gonna lie, I ate that shit up.
Clearly, I’d always felt more alone than I’d let myself see.
Two weeks had passed since I’d left Atlanta, yet I hadn’t told West about Darren and me. Since West hadn’t said anything, I’d taken that to mean that Darren hadn’t told Anson either, and I was waiting for that. He’d said we could share our relationship with them, but I wanted to make sure he was truly okay with it. It was one thing to say it to me, another to have it out in the world.
I didn’t have court today, but I was at work, wrapping up paperwork on a case. I only had a few at the moment, other than consults with junior lawyers at our firm.
When my cell buzzed with a message, I grinned, automatically knowing it was him.
I rolled my eyes when I saw it was a photo of his torso. I admired it because, hello, it was Darren Edwards. He was a specimen. I’d never felt insecure about my body. It was nice. I worked out. But the muscles of his abs, the thickness of his pecs, and that fucking V, all wrapped up tightly in glistening brown skin, made my dick perk up.
Me: Who dis?
Troublemaker: Funny. Pick your chin up off the floor and wipe the drool.
Me: Has anyone ever told you you’re the definition of a cocky motherfucker?
Troublemaker: You’ve seen me naked, so you knew this was true. How’s your day?
Because of course he had to go there in response to the word cocky.
Me: Better now.
I hit Send before I let myself overthink it. I was always worried about pushing too hard, clinging too much, and him needing his space.
Troublemaker: Me too. You’ve fucked with my head.
I chuckled.
Me: God, you’re romantic! Just what every guy wants to hear. I’ve fucked with your head.
Troublemaker: Sorry. It’s a good thing. Just means you’re special.
Yep, I fucking melted. Goddamn, this guy could break me.
Me: You’re sweet when you want to be.
Troublemaker: Do you like it? I can do this all day. Like, I could tell you that I can’t stop thinking about you…and ask you to come to my next game because I want to see you…and touch you…and can we jerk off on a video call sometime? That would be hot.
God, he was great. I couldn’t get enough of him. I didn’t want to get enough of him.
Me: Whatever you want.
Troublemaker: That can be dangerous.
Me: I trust you.
Troublemaker: I trust you too.
There was a knock on my office door. I closed out of my texts, and called for them to come in.
It was Christopher Meyers, one of the partners at the firm. “Got a minute? I’d like to get your opinion on something.”
“Yeah, of course.” I tucked my phone away as he sat in the chair across from me.
My cell buzzed again, which, ridiculously, made me smile because I knew it was Darren.
Then I listened to Christopher, who shared some details about a case and asked my advice. We brainstormed, and I tried to make myself get excited by it. I remembered when talking shop had inspired me, but it didn’t anymore. That was something I knew before, but in that moment, it was like a weight around my neck.
“How are you, Jeremy? You’ve been a little off lately,” he said once we finished.
“It’s been an interesting year.” And it had been, but there was more to it than that. “I’m just…tired. Do you ever feel that way?”