“Ugh!” Mia teased.
We were having dinner together tonight. Deon would be home soon, and Lee, Mia’s man, was on his way too.
We hung out in the game room together for a while. Momma and Mia were talking about West and Anson’s wedding last summer. I was popping in here and there, but they didn’t really need my opinion on much, which worked because my Jeremy-brain started to kick in again.
It had been a couple of weeks since our night together—and since I’d told Anson about us and he’d given me the term demiromantic. What I read about it sounded like how I felt about Jeremy, but I also wondered if there had to be some kinda something else in there too—bisexual and demiromantic? Did it have to be both? Did bi fit me? The last thing I wanted was to be biphobic, which was another new term for me. But how I felt was how I felt, and I didn’t know what fit me. Then again, I’d ask myself, Why does it matter?
But the truth was, if this thing with Jeremy kept going, it would be different for me, being someone in the public eye. It had been that way with Anson at first, and hell, it still was sometimes. People wanted to talk about his sexuality. There were people who looked up to him, kids who looked up to him, who now believed they could be gay and do anything, being a football player in the NFL included.
Anson was able to say, I’m gay, and being gay shouldn’t hold you back from accomplishing your dreams. But I couldn’t say that. The dream part, yeah, but I didn’t feel…fuck, I didn’t feel worthy? I wasn’t sure if that was the right word, but I hadn’t struggled with my sexuality my whole life the way Anson had. That wasn’t a battle I’d had to fight, though I’d had my own wars to wage—growing up poor and Black being a couple of them. Still, what would I say when I was asked in interviews about my sexuality? About Jeremy? What would I say to kids who looked at me to see if I’d been through what they had? Nope, I’m not gay. Not sure if I’m bi either. I haven’t spent my life struggling with my sexuality. I just need him.
I didn’t know why a label made me feel more…connected? More part of the community? Fuck, I didn’t even know what in the hell I meant.
Luckily, Mia and Momma didn’t notice I was all up in my head, something that wasn’t like me. Then Deon got home, and Lee was right behind him, and we sat down to eat. Momma had made collard greens, which were my favorite.
At some point she mentioned Thanksgiving the next week, which was something I’d been thinking about. I hadn’t seen Jeremy since Chicago, and for all I knew, he couldn’t come because of work, but I wanted him here. I wanted to see him. I didn’t want him to be alone, either.
“I was thinking about inviting someone,” I said between bites. Then I realized that maybe he would already be in Atlanta. Hell, maybe he’d be with Anson and West and I didn’t know.
“That girl you were talking to me about? You know I need to meet her anyway, make sure she’s not playing games and she’s good enough for my boy,” Momma said.
“Wait. What woman?” Mia asked. “I didn’t know there was a woman.”
“Thanks for that, Ma.” I took a drink.
“You didn’t want me to know?” Mia’s eyes pinched, hurt. We were close. There had never been anyone romantically important to me in my life before, but if there were, I would have shared it with her. And yet, I hadn’t told her about Jeremy, and that…fuck, that made me feel like shit. He deserved better than that.
Still, I didn’t say it right then. “Nah, there’s no woman.”
“But you said—”
“There’s no woman, Ma.”
She nodded, and I could tell she was in Momma Bear mode, that she thought someone had broken my heart or something.
“Anyway, I wanted to invite my buddy Jeremy. Don’t know if he can make it, but I wanna ask him.”
“West’s friend?” Mia asked. “He won’t be with them?”
Shit. I’d forgotten Mia knew Jeremy. “He might be. I don’t know.”
“He doesn’t have family?” Momma asked.
“No, he lost his parents in an accident. He doesn’t have siblings. His grandparents had passed away before he was born, and…” He wasn’t close with his extended family. Not that he had a lot of them, but there were a few out there and they didn’t accept him. “That was all the family he was close with. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. I was just thinking it would be nice to invite him. He’s my boy, but if it’s a big deal, we don’t have to come.”