That was something I knew, of course. I hadn’t had to struggle with any part of my sexuality in a long time. It had never been a big deal to me. My parents had been fine. I’d seen queer people growing up. There were always jerks and shit like that, but this was different. This was a first for Darren, and it was as if he lived in a different world from mine. I just wanted to protect him because that’s what you did when you loved someone, but then, that meant he felt the same about me. Everything West said was right. If I let that guy come between us, then he won. If Darren was going to fight, I needed to be better about it as well.
“Thanks, man. I needed that. You’re a little smart sometimes.”
“Only sometimes?” West asked.
“Be happy with what you get. I’m not in the business of building up your ego any more than it already is.”
“You’re no fun.” He was quiet for a moment, then said, “I missed this…you being close. I want you to come on at the center full-time with me. This is something we started together, and yeah, shit has changed, you were going to open a chapter in California, but why not expand here?”
“I…” I wanted that. Fuck, I really wanted that. Darren hadn’t mentioned this being a permanent thing—well, the living with him, at least—but then, it wasn’t as if I couldn’t get my own place. On the other hand, I didn’t know if he would even be here after the next few months. What if I dropped everything to move to Atlanta and then Darren got traded?
I didn’t want to be away from him, but did I want to go wherever he ended up? Did I want to keep working part-time at the center, when I loved the work? When I felt like I was actually putting good into the world?
“Sorry,” West said. “Maybe that wasn’t fair because we don’t know what will happen with Darren, but I wanted to make sure you know I want you here—that is, if you’re willing. I want to expand the center with you.”
“Thanks. I want that too, but…I need to figure out what’s going to happen with Darren first.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll talk to you soon.”
We said goodbye.
I lingered for a few more minutes, until I couldn’t fight anymore the pull of Darren upstairs. I took the steps two at a time. The second I walked into the bedroom, I saw him standing by the bed, a towel wrapped around his waist.
“I’m proud of you,” I told him. “Jesus, Darren, the way you stood up for us, for who we are. You are the best man I’ve ever known. I know that was a lot, but I just… I don’t want people like that to chase you away.”
“What? Is that what you think? That’s so far from what I was thinking. I’m in this, Angel. If you haven’t realized it by now, I guess…I guess I’m going to have to do a better job showing you how much I love you. How much I want you. I was just…fuck, I was just standing here thinking about how much I want you.” He walked over, hooked his finger beneath my chin, and tilted my head up. “Inside me. I want you to fuck me.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Darren
Sex had never been a big deal to me. I’d started having it young and never really stopped. I was confident and knew how to treat a lover. Even though my sexual encounters with Jeremy were obviously different—not just because he was a man, but because there were feelings behind it—this was taking things a step further. It was…giving myself to him, being vulnerable in a whole new way.
And as scary as that was, I couldn’t fucking wait.
“Are you sure you’re ready?”
“Aw, come on. Don’t you know me better than that? It’s sex.”
“I know what you’re doing right now,” he replied, and of course he did. Jeremy saw parts of me no one else ever had or ever would, and this was simply another way to explore that.
“I’m sure. I don’t know what it is about today that…fuck, almost feels like it flipped a switch in me, but it did, and I want to share this with you. And I want to hold your hand in public and make sure the whole damn world knows—pricks like the guy in the restaurant and good people like Kordell—that you’re mine and I’m yours. That I’m fucking proud of that.”
Something about what I said lit a fire inside Jeremy that burned so intensely, it enveloped me. Jeremy’s mouth came crashing down on mine. With expert hands, he flicked open my towel, immediately wrapping his hand around my dick and stroking.
“Want you naked,” I gritted out when his mouth made its way down my neck. I grabbed for his shirt, tugged it over his head. My hands journeyed to his pants next, ripping them open and shoving them down. They were midthigh when I stopped to palm his ass. “Feels like I’ve been waiting my whole life to touch you with both hands.”