“Holy shit,” Jeremy said. “Holy shit… You’re you and…” Jeremy looked at me, and I saw the moment the truth dawned on him. He went from excited at seeing a half-naked football player in my doorway to sad. “Shit. I’m sorry. I won’t say a word.” He turned to Anson. “I swear I won’t say a word to anyone. You’re safe with me.”
Fuck if I didn’t love him for understanding the seriousness of the situation, but then, he was queer. He got it.
Anson still hadn’t spoken. He just stood there staring, panic in his eyes. I pushed past Jeremy and went to him. “Hey, it’s okay. You can believe him. There’s no one in the world I trust more.” Well, other than Anson.
He closed his eyes and breathed. The truth was, it didn’t matter if we could trust Jeremy or not. Anson had been outed to someone, and it was always hard when you weren’t the one outing yourself.
Anson nodded, but I wasn’t sure he was convinced. He had a dazed expression on his face, but he said, “He should, um…he should come in.”
When he walked inside, I turned to Jeremy and motioned toward the house.
“I’m sorry, man,” he said again when the door was closed behind us.
“It’s not your fault. It is what it is.”
“I know, but…holy fuck. That’s Anson Hawkins. You know that, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “No, really?” I handed him the bags. “Take this for me. Give us a second.”
I found Anson in the laundry room. He’d tugged on shorts over his pants, and one of my Stanford Law School T-shirts. It was too tight on him, most of my shit was, but all his clothes were upstairs. “Are you okay?” I asked from the doorway.
“Fuck. I’m sorry. I know I’m freaking out. He’s your best friend, and it shouldn’t matter, but—”
“Hey, no. You have nothing to apologize for. It’s a person’s right to come out when they feel comfortable. It was an accident, but that choice was taken away from you. I get that. Jeremy gets that.”
He looked at me with softening, needy eyes.
“Come here.” I pulled him into a hug. Anson’s arms went around my waist, and I kissed his head. I loved that I got this part of him, that the strong, tough football player gave me his vulnerable moments and melted in my arms.
“I don’t know why I opened the door without looking. I just knew you were coming home, and when I heard the noise…” He shook his head. “It was safe, ya know? Our little world, and now it’s bigger. It just goes to show how easily something like this can happen and how hard it’s going to be to…”
To do this. To keep the secret. To be together.
“Too hard?” I held my breath, hating that I was so scared of his answer.
“No. I love you. And he’s your best friend. It’ll be fine. We can trust him.”
But what if it had been someone else? What about when it would be someone else? Would it be different then? Would it be too hard and too much? “Do you want me to ask him to leave?”
“No. That’s not fair.”
I smiled. “At least you look hot.” I eyed him in my T-shirt.
“I look fucking ridiculous.” His chuckle loosened some of the tension in my chest.
“Hot,” I countered, then signaled toward the living room, and we went out together.
Jeremy had set the bag of food on the coffee table and was sitting on the couch. He shoved to his feet the second we entered the room.
“Anson, this is my ex-best friend, Jeremy. Jeremy, meet Anson.”
“Wait. I’m your best friend? Aww!” Jeremy replied, clearly trying to keep the mood light.
“I said ex.”
“Yes, but you haven’t hit emotional maturity yet, so I know what that means.” He held his hand out for Anson. “Hey, man. Nice to meet you. I apologize for showing up like this. I didn’t…well, obviously, I didn’t know you were here.”
They shook. “No worries. It is what it is, but…no one knows…about me. No one except West and now you, and—”
“No one will find out from me. I give you my word. Someone very close to me was outed against his wishes, and it didn’t go well for him. I know what that’s like. We stick together.”
Jeremy was right about that. We did. It didn’t matter when you came out; this was something we all understood.
“Yeah, okay. Thank you.”
Jeremy nodded, then looked over and shoved me. “You lucky fucking bastard! How in the hell did you score him? You’re not even that hot.”
Anson chuckled.
“Fuck off. I’m gorgeous and have a sparkling personality.”
We all laughed, and then Jeremy, doing what he did best, tried to act natural. “I’m starving. You guys got enough food for me or what?”
When Anson replied, “Yeah, we can share,” I knew this time it would be okay. I hoped it would always be this easy, but knew it wouldn’t be.