“No.” The word blurts out before I can stop myself, but they’re too focused on each other to hear. I back away and slam into the door I never opened.
I’ve lost my grip on my shadows, and it takes all my focus to turn to shadow again and slip back into the corridor, all my control to hold on to my magic as I race back to my chambers. I barely make it to the guest hallway before I’m corporeal again, and when I get inside my room, I don’t bother shutting the door behind me before I sink to the floor, shaking.
It couldn’t be. He wouldn’t. That wasn’t Sebastian.
Maybe some shape-shifting faerie is pretending to be him to get to the girls—or maybe . . . maybe . . .
Maybe Sebastian doesn’t think I’m going to agree to marry him, and he’s doing exactly as he told me he would. Maybe he’s trying to find a bride. Trying to do his duty to his kingdom.
But somehow . . . somehow it never occurred to me that when he’s not with me, wooing and kissing me, he’s with one of them. Is he sleeping with the other girls? Was I so incredibly naïve to think he wouldn’t? I knew he’d be preparing for the possibility of another bride, but this ache I feel isn’t because he was kissing her, but because he looked like he didn’t want to stop. What I witnessed wasn’t some duty of the crown, but passion and pleasure—the very thing I was offering him when he left me for a “meeting.”
My heart feels like it’s been eviscerated, and I can’t decide if I want to cry or storm back into his room and scream at him. All I know is that I can’t do nothing. I cannot just sit here and be a sad little girl until he comes back to explain why he lied and why he ran from my bed to meet with another woman.
It hurts. I press a balled fist to my chest, wishing I could tear out the organ inside, desperate for a way to be done with this pain. I don’t want to be a girl who falls apart over a male, but I don’t know how to feel okay with what I just saw. I draw in one gulping breath after another. I won’t let Sebastian turn me into a sniveling idiot. I thought he wanted me. I was such a fool, thinking I was special.
Once I found out who he really was, I didn’t expect to ever want him for myself. I didn’t realize that the idea of him with someone else would hurt so much. By the time I realized my feelings hadn’t disappeared with the knowledge of his deception, I took his word when he told me I was the one he wanted. I never doubted it for a moment.
I should talk to him. At the very least, I should tell him how I feel, but I can’t afford to fight with him. I can’t afford to have him cancel our trip to Serenity Palace or suspect why I’m staying and pretending everything’s okay. Sebastian knows me. He’d never believe that I’d see him with another woman and look the other way.
I push off the floor, determined to pull myself together. I’m here for one purpose, and that’s to save my sister. Maybe I was beginning to think that more could come of it, that Sebastian and I might someday—
It doesn’t matter. If Sebastian wants to walk away when things are hot and heavy with me just so he can go kiss other girls, it’s his loss. We’re headed to Serenity Palace and that’s all that matters. In the meantime, I won’t be the girl who stays in her room and cries about a boy.
All I need is a little dancing and faerie wine. I’ll give myself one night to shake it off. To lose myself. And tomorrow I’ll be ready to refocus on my task. It’s better this way. Better that I know where I stand. Better that I’m not distracted by Sebastian and an impossible future.
When I step into the ballroom with its raucous music and crowd of dancing bodies, I see Riaan and force a smile for Sebastian’s golden-haired friend. “Good evening.”
“Abriella.” He beams. “So good to see you. Where’s Sebastian?”
“With another woman.” The words are out before I can stop them, but I cover them with a smile, as if they aren’t a blade currently twisting in the center of my chest. Every time I blink, I see Sebastian’s hand sliding up that girl’s skirt. It’s like being hit in the same place over and over again. An open wound that grows deeper and more tattered with every strike.
His smile falls away. “I’m sure he’d rather be with you.”