Alyssa’s eyes saddened by the news, and she almost reached out to take my hand, but I shook my head. He went to speak, but I stood up, uninterested in him explaining. I didn’t want him to say any-fucking-thing else, because his words were currently toxic and they were poisoning my soul. I needed air. Lots of air. I headed for the patio door, and stepped outside. The cool air rushed at my steaming face, and I let out a pained breath. My hands gripped the railing as I stared out into the darkened sky, taking deep breaths, trying my best to not fall apart.
I shut my eyes and snapped the band on my wrist once.
It’s not real…
I couldn’t open my eyes.
He was fine. He was healthy.
I snapped the band on my wrist twice.
It’s not real. It’s not real…
The sliding door opened to the balcony, and I listened to the footsteps grow closer. Kellan leaned against the railing beside me.
“You set me up,” I said.
“I didn’t want to tell you like that. I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“What kind?”
“Colon.”
Shit.
“I—” My voice started but then it trailed off. I felt like I should say something, yet I didn’t know what the right words were. Were there any right words in a situation like this one?
My fingers gripped the railing tighter. “We have to go see TJ. I won’t believe it until he tells me straight to my face.” TJ was the doctor that both Kellan and I always went to as kids. He was a good friend of Kellan’s father, so even though I hadn’t had any money or healthcare to go to a doctor’s office, TJ always checked me out for free. He was a weird guy, but a good man, and the only doctor I’d trust to tell me the truth about my brother’s diagnosis.
“Logan.” Kellan’s voice softened. “I’ve already spoken with TJ. Besides, he’s not an oncologist.”
“I trust him,” I said through clenched teeth. “I trust him, Kellan. And only him.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay. We’ll go see TJ tomorrow if it will make you feel better.”
“It will.” I cleared my throat. “Until then, tell me everything you know. What stage are you in? It’s curable, right? How do we get rid of it? What can I do? How do I help? How do we fix this?” How do I fix you?
“It’s stage three.” No. That’s not good. “But for now, we wait. Like I said, I had the surgery to remove the tumor and two lymph nodes. We start chemotherapy in a week and we have to give it time to see if it works. The chemo will help stop any potential cells that may have spread elsewhere in my system.”
“What happens if they spread elsewhere?”
He went quiet.
No.
No.
No.
I bit my tongue. “You should’ve told me.”
“I know.”
We turned around to face the house. Erika screamed at her mother as she yelled back at her. Alyssa tried her best to neutralize the situation, but had no luck whatsoever.
“You can’t marry a person who has cancer, Erika. It makes no sense! You’re thinking with your heart instead of your head.”
What a fucking awful thing to say to a person.