I sat up at the billboard, looking up at the stars shining in the sky. My eyelids were heavy, but I couldn’t go back to Kellan’s place. I couldn’t see him. I needed sleep, and for a while I’d considered just st
aying up high in the sky and taking a nap until the sun woke me up. But whenever I closed my eyes, I remembered a few hours earlier when TJ reinforced the worst news of my life.
My heart hurt more than hearts should’ve been allowed to.
He’s my brother…
I couldn’t imagine him not being there. And I hated myself in that moment. I hated myself because such a big part of me wanted to run away and find drugs. A big part of me wanted to pull out my cell phone and dial the numbers to the people I never needed to see again, to hook me up with some shit. A big part of me wanted to fall into the rabbit hole, because down that rabbit hole, feelings didn’t exist. Nothing was real when a person was in the rabbit hole, so the pain of reality never surfaced.
My legs bent, and I wrapped my arms around my knees.
I didn’t pray. I didn’t believe in God. But for a split moment, I considered being the hypocrite that began to that night.
My eyes closed, and I tilted my head up toward the sky.
The footsteps were quiet at first. Then the metal ladder began to slightly rock back and forth as she made her way to the top.
She was carrying a plastic bag, those tight jeans and the tank top, and the worry in her eyes remained.
She shrugged a little, no words needed, but me knowing that she was asking permission to join me. I shrugged back, and she knew it was a yes. As her footsteps grew closer, I felt my eyes stinging and my heart pounding. She sat on the left side of me, bent her legs, and wrapped her arms around her knees, just as I did. Our heads turned toward each other where our eyes met.
The plastic bag opened, and she pulled out a package of Oreos, a plastic basket of raspberries, a gallon of 2% milk, and two red Solo cups.
I listened to the crinkling of the package as she pulled back the seal on the cookies, revealing a small part of our past.
I untwisted the milk top, then poured two cups.
She untwisted a cookie, placed a raspberry inside, then put it back together, handing it my way.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had a raspberry Oreo.
Her lips turned into a half smile and she nodded once. I nodded once in reply.
“You’re okay, Logan Francis Silverstone,” she said.
“I’m okay, Alyssa Marie Walters,” I replied.
We turned away from each other, ate two entire sleeves of raspberry cookies, and stared at the fire-lit sky.
When she felt cold, I gave her my hoodie.
When my heart broke, she held my hand.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Alyssa
“Hey, wake up.” I felt a light poke in my side as I rubbed my hands against my eyes. Slowly opening them, I was flooded with the bright sun in my face, along with Logan standing over me. “Hey, get up.”
“Geez…what time is it?” I asked, yawning. I had no plans to fall asleep that night. I meant to go home and climb back into my warm bed and pretend that Logan didn’t exist in my world anymore, but he looked so broken last night.
“It’s time for you to go,” he hissed. I sat up a bit, confused about his attitude. He tossed all of the items I bought back into the plastic bag, and shoved them toward me. “Don’t come back here, all right?”
“Why are you being so rude?”
“Because I don’t want you here. And give me my hoodie.”
“Fine,” I grumbled, standing up and tossing his hoodie at him. My heart was racing as I walked toward the ladder to leave. Yet instead of climbing down, I swung back around at Logan. “I didn’t do anything wrong. You came to me last night. Not the other way around.”