“Getting me hooked on drugs? Yeah, how thoughtful of you.”
He rushed toward me and wrapped his hand around my neck, pressing our foreheads together. “You don’t talk to me any damn way you want, son.” Even though I wasn’t the tiny kid I used to be, Ricky was still much bigger than I was. He was even scarier when doped
up, too. There was no telling what he’d do, but all I knew was I’d rather him do it to me than those two girls sitting in the car downstairs.
“Go home, Ricky. It’s over.”
“It’s over?” He pushed me away and then swung his fist into my eye. The pain that followed was hardcore. I stumbled backwards and tried not to fall, gripping the sagging sofa.
“I’m not going to fight you, Ricky,” I muttered, my fingers falling to my eye.
“Yes, you are,” he muttered, moving in and slamming his fist into my gut.
I felt the vomit rising up from my stomach, and I did my best to push it down. “No, I’m not.”
“Why not?” he asked, pushing me to the ground and slamming his foot into my stomach. “Why not? Because you’re weak? Because you can’t be a real man?” he screamed, kicking me repeatedly.
“No,” I muttered, spitting out the blood that was in my mouth. “Because if I did, I would be just like you.”
“I’m so tired of you,” he muttered, running his hands against his mouth before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a gun. “I’m tired of you interfering with my life. I’m tired of you stepping in between my situations. I’m tired of your face. So we’re just going to end this now.”
He pointed his gun toward me, and I shut my eyes, but when I heard the sound of the bullet, I felt nothing.
My eyes opened, and I saw the cops standing behind me, and Ricky lying on the floor, shot in the shoulder.
The cops and paramedics rushed into the scene. It was all a blur as I watched them race to Ma and then to Ricky. Alyssa spoke to the officers with Sadie, explaining what happened. I tried to open my mouth, but my jaw was so swollen that it hurt to speak. A paramedic came over to me to check out my face, but I shrugged them away.
“I’m fine,” I choked out, my throat burning. They ignored me, and started cleaning my cuts, speaking of stitches to my nose and chin.
“We’ll have more questions at the hospital,” the officer told Alyssa. “We’ll follow behind you as you drive over.”
She nodded, then headed over to me. She grimaced as her fingers lightly touched my face. “Oh, Lo…” she whispered.
I huffed out a chuckle. “Yo-yo-you…” I paused, cringing at the pain in my jaw. “You think I’m bad, you should see the other dude.”
She didn’t laugh.
I guess because it wasn’t funny.
“Come on,” she said. “Let’s go get you fixed up.”
I wanted to say something sarcastic. I wanted to make her feel better because I could tell she was distraught. But no words would leave me. My mind was whirling, thinking about Ma, if she’d be okay. I couldn’t stop wondering how long she had been hit before I arrived. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I should’ve been there to protect her. I couldn’t stop thinking about how many times I swore I hated her, but the truth was, I loved her.
I loved her so much. And I let her down. I let her down when I went away.
***
Logan, thirteen-years-old.
Grandpa sent me a documentary on hamburgers for my birthday. I’d already watched it three times, but I placed it back into the DVD player. It was pretty interesting, and I was pretty bored before I got the documentary because I watched most of the ones at the library already.
“What are you doing?” Ma asked, standing in my doorway.
“Nothin’,” I replied.
“Can I do nothing with you?”
I looked up, and gasped. Ma looked beautiful. Her hair was combed into a high ponytail, and she had tied a red ribbon around it. She was wearing make-up, something she never did, and she wore a pretty black sundress that normally sat hanging in the back of her closet.