The doctor gave a tight grin. “Yeah. So your mother’s condition is improving, but the level of narcotics in her system is pretty worrisome for us. We’re going to keep her here for the next few days to help flush her system. She has two broken ribs from where she was kicked, but can’t give her too much medicine for the pain due to the narcotics. We’re kind of playing it by ear at this point. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
I thanked the doctor, and Logan’s head remained in his palms.
“See, Logan? Everything’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine. Do you want me to call Kellan and let him
know?” His brother hadn’t been informed of anything. Logan didn’t want to worry him until he knew all of the details.
He groaned, looking up. “No. I should be there to tell him in person. Just in case he reacts badly. I don’t want to tell him over the phone.”
“That makes sense. That’s a good idea.”
“High?”
“Yeah?”
“I just want you to know you have the right to opt out now. Out of all of this.”
“What are you talking about?”
“My life,” he said, strain evident in his voice, hinting at the pain in his jaw. He cringed, and started rubbing it. “My life is a mess. It always has been, and I’m giving you a ‘get out of hell’ free card. I’m in love with you, and that’s why I’m giving you an out. You deserve more than this messed-up life.”
“Hey,” I whispered, moving closer to him. My lips fell against his ear, and I combed his hair back. My heart broke seeing the blood on his face, and in his hair. It was all so heartbreaking—the life he’d lived. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He constantly nodded, clasping his hands together, his eyes glassy. “I’m a mess, High. I’m a mess. I’ve always been a mess. I’ll always be a mess.”
“Logan, stop. You’re not who you were back then. Okay? You’re not the product of your yesterdays.”
“But you deserve the world. You can do better. You deserve more.”
“I could have a decent life with someone else,” I said. “I could have the white picket fence. The normal job, the normal kids, the normal husband. I could have a comfortable life with someone who I’d be content with, but never fully love. But that’s not what I want, Logan. I want you. I want the scars. I want the burns. I want your mess. Your scars, your burns, your mess—that’s my heart. You are everything I ever wanted and everything I’ll ever need. Your hurt is my hurt. Your strength is my strength. Your heartbeats flow through mine. So no, I’m not going to opt out. I don’t want to run away because things are hard sometimes. I want you. All of you—the good, the bad, the pain, the anger. If you’re walking through hell, I’m holding your hand the whole way through. If the fires in our lives keep rising, we’ll burn as one. You’re it for me, Logan. Yesterday, today, tomorrow—I’m yours. You’re my eternal flame.”
He turned to me and kissed me. I kissed him back, a bit too hard, and he whimpered at the touch. “Sorry,” I laughed gently, kissing his forehead. “Come on. Let’s go to my place, get you cleaned up, and then I’ll drop you off at Kellan’s so you guys can talk.”
***
When we got to my house, I turned on my shower, undressed Logan, and helped him inside. The warm water fell against his body as he closed his eyes, taking in deep breaths.
“I’ll be right outside. I have a few of your old clothes from way back when that I can grab for you,” I said.
“No. Shut off the light and come here,” he said, his eyes still closed. I did as he said. I removed all of my clothes and I climbed into the shower with him. He pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me, his skin on my skin, his forehead against mine. All that could be heard was the water falling against us, and our breathing.
We stayed there for a long time, until the water ran cold, and then we stayed longer.
“For always, High?”
“For always, Lo.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Logan
When Alyssa dropped me off at Kellan’s place, she left me with a level of peace. My father was in custody. Ma was unable to leave the hospital, which meant she wouldn’t be able to come in contact with any drugs for a small bit of time. Maybe things were slowly turning around. Maybe.
I stepped into a darkened house. Kellan sat on the sofa. “What’s going on?” I asked, flicking on the light switch. He cringed at the abrupt flood of light, but he didn’t say anything. He had tears rolling down his face as his hands shook, and he tried to open a bottle of his pain pills. When he was unsuccessful, he threw the pill bottle across the room.
“Argh!” he shouted, pounding his hands against his head.
“What’s going on, Kel? Where’s Erika?”