TJ’s office was cold. Colder than it needed to be. But I was used to it by now. I hadn’t missed one appointment with Kellan since I returned to True Falls.
On the left corner of his desk was a jar of jelly beans along with red licorice sitting on the right side. At least he got rid of the black licorice.
I crossed my arms, pressing them against my body for heat. Shit. I was freezing. My eyes moved to the chair right next to me, where Kellan sat.
When I looked up to TJ, I saw his lips moving pretty quickly. He kept explaining the situation over and over again. I couldn’t be certain though, because I wasn’t listening anymore.
I didn’t know the exact moment when I stopped hearing the words flying from his mouth, but for the past five or ten minutes I was simply watching his mouth move.
My hands gripped the side of my chair and I held on tight.
Erika sat on the other side of Kellan’s chair, tears falling against her cheeks. “It’s working?” she said, breaking me from my daze.
“It’s working.” TJ’s voice was filled with hope, he even had a smile on his face. “The chemotherapy is working. We’re not out of the dark yet, but we are moving in the right direction.”
The overwhelming feeling of hope took my breaths. The panicked heartbeats that rolled through my system were terrifying.
“I—” my voice started but then it paused. I felt like I should say something, because Kellan wasn’t talking at all. Yet I didn’t know what the right words were. Were there any right words in a situation like this one?
My fingers griped the chair deeper. My right hand brushed against my cheek and I cleared my throat. “It’s working?” I asked.
He started speaking but, I stopped listening again. I took Kellan’s hand and squeezed his left, while Erika squeezed his right.
My brother, my hero, my best friend was fighting cancer.
He was beating cancer.
And I could finally breathe.
***
That night Alyssa and I climbed up to the billboard and stared at the stars tossed across the sky. We shared raspberry Oreos, and kissed until we needed a breath, remembering everything we’d been through, and dreaming of everything that was coming our way.
“I liked the DVD you gave me about the Greek mythology of the phoenix,” I said, as our legs dangled off of the ledge of the billboard. “I loved the idea of the bird dying, but then somehow rising from the ashes, reborn, receiving a new chance at life.”
She smiled. “Yeah, you’re the phoenix, Logan. You’ve come so far, seen so many things, and you’ve been reborn.”
I shook my head. “I looked deeper into different mythologies and different beliefs on the phoenix and what it stood for. Although I appreciated the story of the Greeks, it was the Chinese beliefs that got me the most.”
“What did they believe?”
“The phoenix was commonly seen in two, a male and a female. The two phoenixes together stood for yin and yang. They were two parts of a whole. The female phoenix was the passive, gentle, intuitive one
, while the male was the assertive one, the one who took action. Together they stood for unforgettable partnership. In parts of the world, the two phoenixes symbol is given as a wedding gift—a sign of forever and happily ever afters.”
“That’s beautiful,” she said.
“I thought so.”
We took a moment to stare back up at the sky.
“High?”
“Yes?” My palms were sweaty as I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small box. She took in a small breath when her eyes fell to the box, then her eyes locked with mine. “What are you doing, Lo?”
“Truth or lie?”
“Lie.”