Our Totally, Ridiculous, Made-Up Christmas Relationship

“Okay, okay, okay! That’s enough!” Standing, I wave my hands around and around to stop whatever the freaky-freak is happening on the other side of the island. Grandma’s eyes find mine and she smiles so sweetly.

“Oh hey, baby!” she sings, as if she’s not aware that she just scarred me for life. “What are you doing up?”

“What?! Are you kidding me?! What are you doing here with Tim Faulter?!”

Tim has that same goofy grin that Grandma has on her face, as he extends his sticky hand toward me. “Oh, so you know my work? Nice to meet you. Joyce has been telling me some great things about you.”

Did he just call her Joyce?! Grandma doesn’t have a first name! And I’m definitely not touching his sticky fingers. The idea of where those fingers have been is quite disturbing to say the least.

“I thought you were going to be in the Alps for the holiday?”

“Why in the hell would I be in the Alps? I’m always at the cabin for the holiday. Your mommy dearest was throwing a big hissy fit about me bringing Tim along, saying it was supposed to be a family gathering, but I figured, what the hell? It’s my damn cabin, I’m a grown woman, and I can bring whomever I want into this place. Besides, she said you were bringing that Richard guy along, and no offense, but he’s not exactly family.”

Tim leans over the island and looks down to Kayden. “I’m assuming you’re Richard.”

Kayden slowly rises and looks as if he’s been caught by his parents doing very bad things. “Yeah.”

Grandma’s eyes send this weird wave of energy to Kayden, and she places her hands on her hips. “Who are you?”

He distributes his top-of-the-line smile her way and his long eyelashes blink once before those sexy eyes reappear. “I’m Richard.”

“No you’re not.”

I feel every hair on my body stand up straight at Grandma’s simple comment. “Yes he is.”

Her sassy attitude almost sends me away to my room in despair. “Julie Anne Stone, do you really want to stand in front of me right now and lie straight to my face?” My gaze falls to the ground and I feel her stern look staring me down. “Don’t make me ask again,” she warns.

“His name is Kayden,” I mutter, watching Tim eat our leftover pancakes.

“And how do we know Mr. Kayden?” Grandma uses her scolding voice and now I feel like I’ve been caught in a terrible act.

“He’s an actor from my agency.”

A short laugh is heard first, followed by a landslide of laughter that gives my grandma the hiccups. “You hired an actor to be your boyfriend?!” More hysterical laughter is heard as she bends over in a fit, as though I am the funniest clown in the room. Seriously though, it’s not that funny. “Oh my…Just when I think this family cannot become anymore dysfunctional.”

“How did you know it wasn’t Richard?” I ask.

“You texted me some weird picture of some nerd guy wearing a headset that said ‘I love my Richard.’”

Ohh, so Stacey really didn’t get my picture of Richard the other night. I owe her an apology.

Grandma walks over to me and kisses the top of my head, leaving me confused and afraid until she says, “I’ll keep your little white lie a secret, Granddaughter.” Her eyes travel to Kayden and there’s a soft grin on her face. “If you hurt her, I will cut off your penis.”

With that, she takes Tim’s hand and walks off, leaving me to witness the terrified expression her final comment has left on Kayden’s face.

Heck, if I were him, I’d be scared shitless, too. I’m kind of surprised Danny is still alive after what he did. Kayden doesn’t blink, and I chuckle at his fear. “We should get to bed for a few hours. Today’s going to be a long…long day.”

Before we can leave, Tim rushes back into the room, grabs the bottle of syrup, smirks, and tips his invisible hat again before disappearing.

Mother-flipping gross.

“Sunshine, wake up.” Kayden’s lying next to me, and I can feel his body heat radiating against mine. When my eyes open, his greens smile and I can’t help but want to kiss him. “Good morning.”

“Good morning, indeed.” I wiggle out of the comforter and sit up on the mattress.

“Ah, you’re a much happier morning person now.” His hair is dripping wet and he smells like coconut shampoo. Dang, if I would have woken up a few minutes earlier, I could have ‘accidently’ walked in on him in the shower.

Well, there’s always tomorrow for the accidental walk-in.