Our Totally, Ridiculous, Made-Up Christmas Relationship

Fuck it, I’m crying. Yup, I’m crying, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Those were some beautiful words right there.

“What the hell is going on?!” The door swings open, and Matt and I turn toward it to find Jules standing there with the most extreme expression of ‘what the fuck’ plastered on her face. Quickly I yank my hands away from Matt’s chest and stand up.

“Oh my God. Jules, it’s not—”

Matt stands up and gestures toward Jules, who turns away. “Jesus, Dad! Put on your pants!” she screeches, covering her eyes. Moving over to her, I go to touch her and she jumps. She gives me a stern look and points her finger at me. “I get it. Dad rehearses naked. It’s a weird norm around here. But what I need you to do right now…what I really need you to do is to go wash your hands before you touch me.”

I chuckle because her cheeks are so high and so beautiful. “Okay, but you stay here. I think your dad needs to talk to you.”

As we sit on the living room floor in front of the roaring fire, Olivia shows me her favorite Barbie dolls and all of the accessories. When I say all, I mean all; there are at least fifty pieces of plastic clothing on the floor. Tossing some more pink clothes on the pinked-out doll, I start playing with her, walking her across the floor. “I’m Barbie, and I’m sooo pretty!”

Olivia giggles and tries to grab the doll, but I keep pulling it away from her, making her break out into a fit of giggles. She’s ridiculously adorable, and she reminds me of how much I miss Hailey and should make more time to hang out with my crazy little cousin.

“Give me that!” she shouts, placing her hands on her hips with extreme attitude, and I catch a glimpse of her mother in her. She arches an eyebrow, and I can’t help but laugh at her sassiness.

“I’m a Barbie and I’m awesome! I can’t wait to give Ken a big kiss!” Picking up the Ken doll, I make the dolls embrace and Olivia falls to the ground in an overreacting matter, grabbing her stomach and falling victim to an invisible tickle monster. “Muah! Muah!”

She snatches a Barbie from me and smiles. “This is alien Barbie. She looks like me!” She holds the doll up to her face and smiles.

My heart stops beating and all I want to do is wrap this little girl in my arms and tell her she’s wrong. “You’re not an alien, Olivia. But you are beautiful, just like the Barbie.”

She shakes her head back and forth. “Daddy says I look like an alien. I’m gonna be famous, he said.”

“Well, between you and me, your daddy is a fart-face-people-hating weirdo.” I start attacking her with tickles and she loses it into another giggling fit. “Besides, Ken loves you!” I scream, kissing her with the Ken doll.

“Oh my gosh. I was afraid this would happen. My family is driving you loony.” Jules laughs, walking over to Olivia and me. She lifts up her niece and becomes the tickle monster in the flesh. “Is he playing with your Barbies?! I thought only you and I played with these Barbies, kiddo?” She squeezes Olivia and covers her in kisses. When she stills her niece, their blue eyes meet. “You want to know a secret?”

“Secrets, secrets!” Olivia screams, jumping up and down. Watching Jules interact with the young girl makes me lust after her that much more. It’s nothing less than adorable.

“There is a BIG plate of chocolate chip cookies on the counter in the kitchen and NO ONE is in there right now.” Jules takes her finger and taps Olivia’s nose. “And I bet no one would even know if one or two were missing.”

Olivia dashes off, leaving Jules and me sitting in front of the fireplace. Jules relaxes onto the floor, smiling toward the running toddler. “There are a lot of things I regret with Danny and Lisa, but that little girl? She kind of makes it worthwhile.”

“How did your talk go with your dad?” I ask, hoping that it’s at least a start to better communication. Her cheeks turn red and she grabs the Barbie from my hand, leaving me with Ken.

“It was good. Dad actually passed my name on to someone in LA about auditioning for a movie next month.”

“Is that good?”

The way her smile grows and her dimples deepen, I know it’s good. “I should never have given up. I shouldn’t have given Danny and Lisa the power to stop me from chasing my dreams. Dad said you had a big part to play in this, too,” she says leaning in toward me, making the dolls kiss one another, “Thank you.” Her eyes shift to the ceiling and a beautiful sigh leaves her lips. “Oh no. That damn invisible mistletoe is back.”

I look up, shaking my head at the nothingness above our heads—which somehow stands for everything. I reach for her arms and pull her into my lap, leaving her no other choice than to wrap her legs around me.

“Merry Christmas, Kayden,” Jules whispers before pulling her lips to mine and kissing me gently. Her lips are softer than I remember, and I cherish the short time they spend against mine.

“I don’t want your money,” I say as she pulls an inch away from me. I can still taste her on my lips, and I can’t imagine losing that feeling after these few days. “I don’t want this to be fake anymore. After we leave here and go back to Chicago, I want to take you out. I want to get to know you, and I want to slowly fall for you, taking in every detail of our adventures together. What I don’t want is for you to fall for me right away. I want you to make me work for it, work for you because you need to be chased after, longed for, desired. I really want to date you, Jules Stone, so fucking badly.”

Her eyes move to the ground and she looks sad—sadder than I’ve ever seen her look. Something’s happening in her mind, and it’s hurting her. “I want to date you, Kayden. I’m just not ready yet.”

I nod, completely understanding. “Right, too soon.” I bite the corner of my mouth and narrow my eyes. “What about now?”

She laughs a true Jules laugh and I feel my heart grow in size. After we leave here, I’m going to take time to figure out who I am, what I want to be.

And then I’m going to take this girl dancing.

A few hours have passed, and we move on to the tree decorating festivities, and I can tell Jules is trying her best not to appear hurt about the Danny and Lisa situation, but I see right through her.

“I’m not jealous.” She peeks her head into the other room where Lisa, Danny, and Olivia are standing by their Christmas tree. Danny and Lisa are standing next to each other, looking at messages on a phone, and Olivia is getting tangled-up in tinsel. “I just sometimes think it could have been me. We could have been the happily ever after.”