"When you said I couldn't bully you anymore, I told myself fine, there's plenty of other kids to beat on," Tubs said. "And I haven't touched you for weeks, even when you did something so stupid that I should have beat you up at least a little. But I know that our being here is somehow your fault, Penster, and I'm going to get you for it."
"Will you be quiet?" Elliot hissed. "First we've got to get out of here, then you can beat me up."
"Yeah, but if you save us, then I'll feel bad about beating you up," Tubs said. "I'd rather do it now."
Elliot scratched his foot across the ground toward Tubs, hoping to kick dirt in his face, but he was still wearing Reed's slippers, which were soaking wet, so he only ended up smearing mud across his leg.
"I'm hungry," Tubs said. "And really, really confused."
Elliot crept to the bars, hoping to see more of where they were. The cave that trapped them seemed to be at the top of a tall hill. Far below them was what appeared to be a thick patch of woods. Bass drums beat a soft rhythm somewhere inside them, and colored sparks of light constantly jetted into the air in various places. Those woods were probably the Pixies' home.
He wondered how far away the Brownies' home of Burrowsville was. Did they know he was here? If so, was there anything they could do to get him out?
"Mr. Willimaker," Elliot hissed. "Mr. Willimaker!" There was no other Brownie who Elliot trusted more. If anyone could help, it was Mr. Willimaker.
"What are you doing?" Tubs asked.
Elliot turned back to Tubs, who looked so relaxed leaning against the dirt wall that he might as easily have been sunbathing. "I'm working on getting us out of here," Elliot said.
"Okay, you do that, and I'll work on my thing," Tubs said.
"What's your thing?" Elliot asked.
"Taking a nap. I didn't sleep so well last night."
"That's because you were wandering all over my yard and got us here in the first place!" Elliot said.
"Yeah? Well, you should've tried to stop me," Tubs said.
Elliot scowled and turned back to the bars. "Mr. Willimaker?" he called more loudly.
He jumped away from the bars as a figure poofed in front of him. Not Mr. Willimaker, but Fidget Spitfly. Her hair was in a high ponytail on the side of her head. She had so much hair, he wondered why it didn't make her tip over sideways. She wore a bright purple dress today. Really bright and really purple. Elliot felt a headache coming on just looking at her.
"Do you really think anyone can hear you calling while you're my prisoner?" she asked. "How clueless would I have to be if I made it that easy? As if!"
Elliot lifted his eyebrows. "Where did you learn my language? You talk...different."
"Only on the best human television show ever, Surfer Teen. It's so totally the awesomest show of the whole universe!"
Dear Reader, Surfer Teen so totally is not the awesomest show in the universe. In the first place, awesomest is not even a word, but the actors in Surfer Teen don't seem to know that, since they use the word in almost every sentence. And in the second place, the show was only on for one season, because it so totally was the stupidest show in the history of television, which is quite an accomplishment. But it is Fidget Spitfly's favorite show, and she has watched every episode at least 458 times. She has watched the episode where the awesomest boy first kisses the hottest-to-the-max girl at least 873 times. Totally.
Elliot rolled his eyes. His sister, Wendy, used to watch Surfer Teen. Now he felt like he was talking to one of the characters on the show. "Listen," he said to Fidget, "I'm the one you want. This other human here with me can't do anything for you. Send him home, and then you and I can talk."
"Just wait one minute," Tubs said, getting to his feet. "Let me understand something first. Am I having the weirdest dream ever or not?" Then he punched himself in the eye. "Ow! I hate it when I do that."
"Why did you?" Elliot asked.
Tubs glared at him. "It proved that I'm awake, didn't it?"
"You are awake," Elliot said. "We're being held by the Pixies in the Underworld."
"Oh," Tubs said, as if that sort of thing happened all the time.
Fidget eyed Tubs, who was now busy picking his nose. "I'm just hungry," Tubs muttered. "My parents are out of town anyway, so if you get me something to eat, I don't care if you send me back or not."
Fidget smiled and said to Tubs, "Like, get your friend to release Grissel, and I'll give you anything to eat that you want."
"Anything?" Tubs asked. At the moment, all he had to eat was whatever he'd pulled from his nose, so he seemed to like this idea. "Anything, like a big bowl of hot fudge topping for breakfast?"