"I never wanted it in the first place!" I answered. "Obviously, I don't need it either."
"You think because you bent the metal in the caravan that you can defend yourself? Can you fight?"
I'd been in plenty of fights in the mines. Admittedly, I'd lost most of them, but not all, and besides, the other men were much bigger than me. She wouldn't have done any better.
"If a fight starts, I'd sooner beg the crippled widows of Rome for help before asking you," I said.
She leapt forward and shoved me against the wall with her forearm pressed against my neck and her knee jammed into my gut. I would've pushed back but I knew her other hand held a knife, and probably a sharp one. Judging by the glare in her eye, I figured that at the moment, she was the one I most needed protection from.
"They tried to sell me into slavery a few years ago, and I fought them off. Do you know why? Because I could. Because I don't give in. I'm not like you, Nic. I don't take orders in exchange for a crust of food."
"Sure you do," I said. "Why else are you following me around?"
Her face reddened. "I'm doing what I have to."
"So am I!" My temper flared, and it took effort to keep from yelling. "They kill runaways." I tried not to think about last night's decision to escape with Caela.
"At least the runaway is willing to pay the price of freedom. You're not," she answered with equal fierceness.
"My sister is at the
mines!" I was yelling now and got control of my temper again. "I wouldn't leave without her."
"Oh." Aurelia released me and turned away. When she looked back, the anger in her eyes had caved into sadness, which she quickly tried to hide. "I have nobody."
That gave me pause. Even though it was like a stab in the heart to think of Livia, at least we had each other. Aurelia only had a crepundia to remind her she had once belonged to a family, and no longer did.
I continued looking into her eyes and watched her fight back tears beneath my gaze. When she wasn't angry, her eyes were sort of pretty. The wall she put up was only her way of hiding the person she really was. Whoever that was, she wasn't the difficult person she pretended so hard to be.
I wanted to ask about her family, but figured it would only start another fight. So instead, I asked, "Did Felix really hire you to protect me, or are you here to make sure I don't run?" Because she was definitely interfering with that plan.
She waited until some other workers had passed us by, then in a low voice said, "Felix does his job here at the venatio, but he reports directly to Emperor Tacitus. Whatever you're hiding, he wants it for the emperor."
I looked down. If Crispus was right, then Radulf would be coming after me. The bulla was my only defense.
Aurelia poked my arm. "Oh, so you haven't agreed to give it to him."
I started walking away but she followed. My own shadow didn't stick this close to me.
"Who do you think you are?" she said. "They'll kill you for refusing the emperor's orders. But ..." She paused and her eyes narrowed. "Oh, I see."
I turned and folded my arms as I faced her. "What?"
"Even if you give it to the emperor, they're still going to kill you."
"Why? If I don't have it anymore --"
"This thing that you have -- it's special, right?"
"Yes ... maybe ... I don't know." Silently, I groaned. My lying skills were pathetic.
"Felix said he can't use it. But you can."
"Yes." That was only partially true. I could feel the magic. I couldn't use it.
Aurelia's eyes softened. "This is Rome. Things are different here and you must learn to think the way the empire thinks. They don't want the slaves to have power, and the emperor certainly doesn't want a slave boy out there who can do something that he can't. So tell me, once you give him this ... thing, why would Tacitus allow you to live?"
Ever since the moment I set foot in the venatio, a weight had been growing in my chest, and right now it was heavier than ever. She was correct. If I refused to give the bulla to the emperor, he would order my death. He would do the same if I gave it to him. And whatever choice I made, once General Radulf found out I had it, he would focus the whole of his power on finding me. Every choice was wrong, which really meant I had no choices at all. No way out. No chance.