I stared at him a moment. Could I give him my word when I didn't know how to make it happen, or whether it even could be done? But his eyes begged me to answer him, with even greater desperation than his words had. Finally, I said, "If it is possible, then I will find a way."
One corner of his mouth upturned, just a little. More important, he finally seemed to be at rest. "Enough now. Leave me to sleep. Those of us without magic take longer to heal."
I heard the sadness in his voice as he spoke, and left him with my heart so heavy I was surprised I could walk away.
Equally surprising was to find Aurelia outside Radulf's room. She was seated on the floor, resting against the wall, and might've even been asleep before she heard me come out. When I did, she jumped to her feet.
"How long have you been out here?" I glanced around us. We were alone.
Her eyes flicked to the bedroom, telling me she had been out here for as long as I had been in there with Radulf.
"You look exhausted," she said. "Everyone else has already eaten their dinner, but I'm sure you're hungry too."
I shrugged. "I just want to be alone. Maybe I'll take a walk through the gardens."
As I started out the door, Aurelia said, "I want to be alone too. Do you think you and I could be alone together?"
My heart skipped a beat, and I looked around us again, not sure of whether I wanted this moment to be interrupted. "That's not a good idea."
She sighed. "I'm going to come with you, Nic. It's only a question of whether I'll walk beside you or behind you. I warn you, though, if I must follow, then I'm going to throw rocks at the back of your head."
"Well, we can't have that." I smiled, then motioned for her to come with me. "Let's go be alone together."
Since his home was built on old military lands, Radulf had a lot of space to himself. Some soldiers still trained nearby, though, and they were loyal to their general. There was little risk of Praetors attempting to sneak back here. If they came -- no, when they came -- they would come like proper guests, or never get past the soldiers.
So the Praetors weren't my biggest worry as I walked back here with Aurelia. I wasn't even worried at all, not really. I only felt the dread of knowing she and I had serious matters to discuss, and that I probably wouldn't like the outcome of our conversation.
"While you were in with Radulf, Crispus sent a message to me," she began. "Is it true that he's with the Praetors? He's one of them?"
"He did what he had to do," I said. "They gave him no choice."
She spoke more loudly. "There's always a choice!"
"If there was, he would've done it."
"He should've refused them."
"He tried that."
She was becoming angrier. "He didn't try hard enough! What was so important to him that it was worth what he did?"
I stopped walking to face her. "You are that important! Aurelia, he did it to protect you from the Mistress."
"Oh."
We continued on in silence for several minutes, most of which I spent wishing I'd just told her to go ahead and throw rocks at my head. That would've been simpler.
We were deeper into Radulf's gardens when she said, "We're only friends, Nic."
Was she saying that about her and Crispus? It had been several minutes since his name had come up. Or did she mean that she and I were only friends?
I started to ask, but stopped when I heard a sound behind us. The swelling magic within me calmed when I saw a large stag in a clump of cypress trees at the edge of Radulf's property. There were deer in many places around Rome, though they weren't often seen in the city and rarely had I ever seen a stag as grand as this one. His antlers came to a dozen points and were worn like a crown upon his head.
"It's beautiful," Aurelia whispered.
I glanced over at her, and then quickly lowered my eyes when she caught me staring. When I looked for the stag again, he had vanished from my sight. At least he had been a good distraction.
When Aurelia and I continued walking, our conversation took a turn, one that made it a little easier for me to breathe. "You were wet because you pulled the Mistress into Lake Nemi, yes?"