Her delicate eyes softened. "What about you?"
"That's what I need everyone to understand." I shrugged. Despite all that I could do, or maybe because of it, my choices were limited. "I can't go to Britannia. Not ever."
"If you defeat the Praetors, and the Mistress --"
"There are only two ways to break the curse upon her. Neither of them is good."
Tears that she'd kept welled up began to slide down her cheeks. "You can't fight this war forever."
"No, but I can keep it from following me to Britannia."
She brushed away the tears, but more appeared in their place. "Then where will you go?"
I had no answer to that, and even if I did, it would only give her more sadness. So instead, I pulled her into an embrace and let her cry, while fighting against my own emotions. "This is for the best," I whispered. "Trust me."
She shook her head, even as it was buried in my shoulder. "You have to find a way. At least try."
"I will." Saying the words was the easy part. Everything that came next seemed impossible.
Another knock came at the door. "Nic?" That was Aurelia's voice.
Livia stood back from me and wiped her tears.
"Don't tell her any of this," I said. "Aurelia needs to go to Britannia too." With Crispus.
Livia nodded, and I asked Aurelia to enter.
Her eyes instantly went to Livia.
"What is this?" she asked. "I thought you'd left!"
"I learned from you." Livia faked her happiness well, I had to admit that. "My choices belong to me."
Aurelia smiled, making sure I saw it. "As they should! Well, you must join us for supper. Crispus will be thrilled to know you're still here."
"He won't be angry?" Livia said. "He was the one who told me to stay in the carriage this morning."
"He won't be angry ... with you." Aurelia also made sure I heard that last word, which was unnecessary. No one could stay angry with Livia for long. And besides, Crispus had only sent her away because I had asked him to. It shouldn't matter to him whether Livia stayed or left.
Aurelia handed me the toga that was in her arms. "I picked this one out myself. The blue fabric will look nice with your eyes. It will also blend in well with the background, which is your only job tonight."
Though there was a lightness in her tone, she wasn't teasing. She was clearly anxious about whatever the plan was for the supper, and she didn't want me interfering. That was fine. I had no intentions of causing any trouble until after it was dark and I left this home to go rescue Radulf. That would be more than enough interference for one day.
Aurelia put an arm around Livia. "We need to get you cleaned up for tonight." As they started to leave the room, she turned to me and added, "If you need help with that, just call out and someone will come."
"I don't need help," I said. The truth was, I didn't even know where to start with all this fabric.
She giggled and Livia joined in, but before they left, Livia looked back one last time, fighting away more tears.
I was glad they left when they did. Because the truth was, so was I.
Crispus arrived home only a few minutes before the supper was meant to begin. A servant outside my door told him I was here, and immediately he asked to come in my room.
"How is Radulf?" I asked as he adjusted the toga's knot on my shoulder.
Crispus's tight expression didn't offer much hope. "It's bad, Nic. His prison is damp and likely infested with disease. I brought him a little food, but if I gave him too much, he'd be attacked by the other prisoners for it. As weak as Radulf was when they put him in, he'll be worse when he comes out."
"And when will that be?"