Wynnow stepped in and took my hand. “What are you thinking about right now?”
I twisted my expression. “Do you want the full list?”
“It’s cruel that the Brillians weren’t given the gift of magic,” Imri said. “We’d never struggle so much to find our own powers.”
“Imri!” Wynnow scolded.
The older woman dipped her head. “My apologies, princess.”
No apologies were offered to me, whom she’d actually insulted. I had been trying to remain focused and to do as Imri had instructed. Maybe Imri was right, that I couldn’t be taught.
Imri frowned at me. Again. “Perhaps you are meant to create.”
“If I am, I refuse to test it.” We’d all seen what Lord Endrick did when he combined one cruel animal with another. I wanted no part of it.
“What if this is your power?” Wynnow asked.
“It’s not!” I was losing patience with her, and Imri, and mostly with myself. “Maybe I have no powers.”
“You need to start trying.”
My temper warmed, and I opened my mouth for what was about to be a sharp retort when we noticed Loelle crossing the field.
“What Kestra needs is to rest,” Loelle said. “Her magic is young and it will take more energy from her at first.” Her eyes fell upon Wynnow and their expression was cool. “Forgive me for coming late. I believe the servant you sent to tell me of this meeting must have gone astray, for she never made it to my room.”
Wynnow folded her arms and faced Loelle. “The servant made it to Kestra’s room last night while you were there. What do you want from her, if she gains her powers?”
Loelle’s eyes flashed with guilt. But rather than answer, she asked, “Have you tested her yet for the influence of health?”
“As you must know, in battle that would be a less desirable power,” Imri said. “The Coracks already have you for a physician, and such abilities would have limited use for an Infidante. I was saving that one for nearer to the end.”
“Well, I’d like to test it now,” Loelle said, “because since walking onto this field I’ve developed a piercing headache. Kestra, can you heal it?”
I stared back at her. “I don’t know how.”
“Put your hand on my head, here.” Loelle lifted my hand and placed my fingers on her forehead. I immediately yanked them away and leapt back as a sudden fear rushed through me. Endrick had placed his hands on me thus, when he stole my memories.
“What’s wrong?” Wynnow asked.
I shook my head, unwilling to explain the emotions that were overwhelming my heart and mind. The fear that I’d experienced in that room was awful, but it was nothing compared to the helplessness of having one memory after another pulled from my head, knowing I was losing pieces of myself. It was almost as terrible now to have to relive it again.
“We’ll try again tomorrow,” Loelle said.
“No.” I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. Perhaps the panic now was only because I had panicked then. After a few deep breaths, I lifted my hand again and placed it on Loelle’s forehead. “Tell me what to do.”
“Let all thoughts empty from your mind, except what you feel with your fingers. Can you find the pain in me?”
I tried, sincerely and wholeheartedly, until I was worn out from the attempt. Finally, I pulled my hand away. “I can’t.”
“You should be able to. I felt the magic working within you, through your hand. It knows I’m hurting.”
“No, I know you’re hurting because you told me that. I can’t feel anything special and even if I did, I wouldn’t know what to do about it.”
“You need time,” Imri said, “and more patience.”
“I have no time.” My attention shifted to Wynnow, who was inspecting her nails as if she’d given up on me. “Hasn’t that been your point all along?”
Wynnow glanced over to Loelle. “Will you fetch the Infidante some tea? I believe it will refresh her.”