I'd never expected any situation to come up in a thousand years where I'd have volunteered to stay in these dungeons. But now, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else. "I'll stay. I'll go in with you."
Tightening her grip on my arm, she closed her eyes to enter. It didn't matter if she did or not. The darkness was about the same either way.
Her shoulders began shaking as soon as she crossed the cell threshold. "She needs a blanket," I said to the guard behind us.
"This is a dungeon, not an inn."
My voice got louder. "If she becomes ill from this cold and dies, will Sir Henry take the blame, or assign it to you? Call for her handmaiden to bring a blanket and something warm to eat, and do it at once!"
"You don't have to stay." Kestra waited until the door had been shut and locked before slumping onto the hard ground. "I'd rather be alone anyway."
"No, you wouldn't." I sat beside her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders, and feeling surprised at how easily she allowed me to pull her close. I'd held her this way before, the night the Coracks stopped her carriage, though that had been anything but friendly. This was ... different.
She shivered again and I brushed a hand down her arm, hoping to warm her. I'd never noticed before the softness of her skin, like a down feather that you'd protect against the wind or rain, just because you might never touch anything so delicate again.
Protect her. Those were my orders.
Then again, Tenger had also given me specific orders if Kestra failed to produce the Olden Blade. Was I supposed to protect Kestra ... from myself?
When she began to relax, I said, "I heard what was happening through the library door. I'd have come in, but that would've made things worse."
I'd done more than just hear it. I'd fought every instinct within myself not to charge through the door and help. Every time she had screamed, or pled for mercy, or cried through the pain, it had echoed into the deepest part of me too. I should've found a way to help her.
Should have.
Couldn't have.
Should have anyway.
It would've been futile. If I had entered, I'd only have had my knife, which might have worked for Kestra's father, but I'd never have gotten as far as Lord Endrick. Only the Infidante could do that, if one was found.
"I knew you couldn't come in," she mumbled. "But I needed to get sent here, didn't I."
Another question that wasn't a question, another sharp prick of my conscience. The worst part was that she had clearly understood something I hadn't until now. Of course, she couldn't have simply walked down here on her own, demanding to inspect the cells. She had to be sent here. Which meant she had to do something awful enough to deserve it. She deliberately incited Lord Endrick's anger against her, because Trina and I had forced her to do it.
How had Kestra described the Coracks before? As scum? That seemed about right.
Kestra's shaking had stopped but her skin was like ice. I shifted until I was directly behind her, letting her recline against my chest, and folding her into my arms for warmth. It was the best I could offer for an apology. "Are you hurting?"
"My neck feels awful. I don't know what he did to it."
"Lean forward." When she did, I ran my thumb across the back of her neck, barely pressing in until she flinched and I stopped. It was swollen in one spot but had a hard center. I couldn't explain it. "Maybe a bruise is forming."
"I'll be lucky if that's the worst he did." Her eyes were growing heavy, which was no surprise. I doubted she had slept at all last night, and very little the night before. All I could do was bring her back into my arms, where she nestled in with her cheek against my chest. With great effort, I kept my breath steady enough that I wouldn't disturb her, but there was nothing I could do about the pounding of my heart, fully aware of her nearness.
She sighed, then her muscles trembled as another shiver ran through her. I tightened my arms to comfort her until she relaxed again, and I was sure she murmured my name. I wished I knew why.
This was not the arrogant girl from the inn, or the girl who had firmly resolved to hate me. This time, Kestra needed me here. I almost dared to believe that she wanted me here.
Just as much as I wanted to be here, holding her, breathing her in. I wasn't sure when my feelings had changed, only that somewhere between stepping into that carriage and this moment, she had turned my heart inside out.
More importantly, she seemed to be changing too. I saw it in her eyes, the way she occasionally lowered her guard, or in those few seconds in the gardens when her fingers had touched mine. But it never lasted long before she would catch herself and back away, every single time. Being this close to her was an entirely new form of torture, a constant twist on my emotions, but still a thousand times better than being apart.
"It's all right," I whispered. "You're safe with me."
She let out a gentle breath. "I wish I were back in the Lava Fields," she murmured. "I barely remember them."
"That was only a few days ago."