"Then offer her marriage."
I would have done it a hundred times already, yet I felt panicked at the idea of making her a part of my future when it wasn't at all clear that I had a future. I shook my head. "My life isn't --"
"Whose life is safe? There are no guarantees for any of us, but we have to continue living while the gods allow it."
"That's my point," I said. "I doubt the gods are very happy with me right now."
Crispus stepped closer. "Listen, you'll win the race tomorrow. I'll help you in any way I can -- I owe you that. With that victory, you'll win your life back and then you can repay Aurelia for everything you owe to her."
Though I knew it would never be as easy as he made it sound, I still nodded. My decision was made. First chance I got, I'd speak to Aurelia.
Minutes later, Livia and I walked back down the path toward the open field where Callistus would be waiting. She took my arm and said, "Are you still thinking about Aurelia?"
"I should be thinking about the race tomorrow," I said, which wasn't exactly an answer to Livia's question. "If I don't win, nothing else matters."
"How can I help?" she asked. "Radulf will be in the spine to monitor the race, and Crispus will be at the gates. It seems ridiculous that I'm only in the stands, sitting by uselessly."
We reached Callistus. I helped Livia into the saddle and then followed behind her again. As we rode away, I said, "It's too dangerous to help me, Livia. I can't protect you and drive the chariot too."
"Do you remember when Mother was with us in the mines?"
"She wasn't there for long, I remember." Though I now understood why. She knew she'd be identified with my father, which meant the empire could find me. And although I didn't have magic at the time she left, I'd also learned that magic is drawn to some families more than others. If they had known who I was, the empire would've executed me at once. They still would do it, if Radulf allowed it or if they ever got to me without my magic.
"The night before she left, Mother pulled me aside and told me the empire would try to find you, that it was my job to keep you hidden. I did everything I could for you at the mines, but since we've come to Pater's home, I've been useless. I wander his halls, swim in the baths, and let the servants do my hair -- a job I wouldn't have even been allowed to do for someone else two months ago. The day we escaped, using those lead tablets, I thought this was a chance for me to matter. We'd leave Rome and I would help you, not be a burden that you have to worry about. But now we're back in his home again, and I'm miserable."
"I'm sorry." I'd been so wrapped up in my own rebellion and troubles that I hadn't taken the time to consider that she had troubles too, in some ways worse than mine. "I didn't know."
"Let me help you in the race tomorrow."
I looked around the area, even though it was late at night and we were still far from the main roads.
"All right, I said. "I have an idea, but give me a few hours to work on it."
And from there, she let me have my silence to begin thinking. Once we got into town, I asked if we could stop by the stables at the circus to check on Radulf's new horses, just to make sure they'd been bedded down properly for the night. Normally they'd be corralled at Radulf's home, but they had to be here for the first race in the morning and I wouldn't leave their care to some indifferent servant, or worse, a servant who preferred to see someone else win tomorrow.
Livia agreed, and we made our way there. But from the moment that we entered the stables, I knew something was wrong. The stall doors for Radulf's horses were wide open.
I leapt off Callistus's back and ran to them. Curse tablets had been nailed to every spare inch of the doors, and most horrifying of all, the stables were empty. The horses had escaped.
No, they didn't leave on their own. My horses had been stolen.
Furious, I kicked at a nearby water bucket. Magic went with it, sending the bucket much farther than it ever should've gone. If I wanted to see the ends of the Roman Empire, all I had to do was follow that bucket.
Instantly, Livia was beside me with a hand on my arm, though I wasn't sure if she was giving comfort or hoping to receive it. I didn't want her to see the curse tablets with my name scrawled into the lead, because she already worried too much. But my thoughts were flying apart, and it didn't matter now. Anyone could look at me and know the curses had done their job.
"Who did this?" She didn't speak with worry, or fear. Livia was angry. "Nic, who took your horses?"
I didn't know. It was no accident -- the curse tablets made that clear. It might've been one of the other factions, or for that matter, it might've been my own faction, ensuring I did not race with them tomorrow. Or most likely, it was the Praetors. If I forfeited the race for any reason, that would be counted as a loss.
"It makes no difference," I said, already feeling defeated. "They're gone."
"What about the horses you rode before? Radulf still has them, I think."
"He does, though they've got no chance to win. They're fast enough for an ordinary race, maybe, but not for what's coming tomorrow."
"They'll have to be enough," Livia said.
I walked her back to Callistus. "Take him home and tell Radulf what's happened. He'll have his servants bring the old horses here by morning."