Words on Fire

If Lukas never paid me another compliment in my life, I figured that was about the nicest thing he could have said, and I beamed with pride.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“My place.” Ben coughed as he climbed into the driver’s seat beside Milda. A deep cough that concerned me, though he’d only scold me if I pointed it out. “It isn’t much for a home, but the Cossacks don’t seem to know about it, so as far as I’m concerned, it’s a castle.”

We drove for a half hour to a small hut in a tiny patch of woods, which I supposed was about as far from everything as a person could get. Ben was right to describe it in such humble terms. The walls were made of logs that had been stacked and mudded together, and I expected the thatch roof likely collapsed with each new snowfall. But it had a small rock chimney and smoke was coming from it, and even from out here, I smelled something delicious.

“We kept a stew warm for you,” Milda said. “As we have every night, hoping you would arrive safely.”

She dished up bowls of stew for both Lukas and me, then offered one to Ben, who said he wasn’t hungry. He definitely wasn’t feeling well. Even if I were on my deathbed, I’d still never refuse one of Milda’s meals.

While we ate, Milda sat across from me and said, “I still haven’t decided whether to thank you or scold you. You traded yourself as a prisoner for me.”

“I did the right thing, Milda,” I said, then lowered my eyes. “But only because I almost did the wrong thing. Officer Rusakov wanted me to give up Lukas to him, and maybe Ben as well. So he was always planning to arrest me that night, because he was sure I’d give him the names. I hoped he’d be so consumed with the thought of arresting me that he’d forget about you.”

My confession clearly came as a surprise to Milda and Ben, both who turned their attention to Lukas for his reaction. But with a kind smile at me, Lukas said, “Audra and I already settled this.” He finished with a wink, a reminder that suggested he understood, and that there was nothing to forgive.

With those few words, Milda’s expression warmed again and she said, “Well, in that case, I think you both need a double serving of supper.”

While I ate, I looked at Ben. “So what happens now?”

Ben coughed again. “The same thing that Lukas was supposed to take care of before. You’re leaving Lithuania and this time we’ll send Milda with you.”

I’d already anticipated that answer, but more than ever, I didn’t want to leave. Not now, when I was finally figuring out how to do this work. “No, Ben, I can still help!”

He shook his head. “They know who you are, they’ve seen what you can do. If you are caught again, this time they probably won’t even send you to Siberia. They’ll hold a public hanging, prove to the people that everyone who breaks the law will be punished, no matter who it is.”

“They wouldn’t hang someone as young as me,” I said, realizing my hand had inadvertently gone to my neck.

“They have before, and they will again if necessary. Until you’re older, you’re finished with smuggling.”

“I just need to be smarter about it, like you are. You can teach me, you can show me what to do!”

Ben waved away that idea. “You haven’t survived so far because of anything I’ve taught you. You survive on your instincts, your bag of magic tricks, and your foolish hope that there will ever be an end to this. I can’t teach you to be smart, or weed the foolishness out of you—that’s just who you are.”

My cheeks warmed. “Then trust who I am. Let me keep smuggling.”

“Your parents would agree with me, Audra. They would say—”

“My parents aren’t here anymore, isn’t that your whole point?”

“Then I’ll act as your father, and I’m telling you—”

“You are not my father, Ben. You are not in charge of me!” I realized I was yelling, but I didn’t care. For once, I needed Ben to hear me. “My parents left me alone and now I have to make my own decisions. I don’t care if you want me to continue smuggling or not. I will do it because that’s what I’ve decided!”

Ben opened his mouth, then closed it and stared at me. After he had calmed himself, he shook his head. “No, you will not. First chance we get, Lukas and I are taking you and Milda out of Lithuania.”

I slammed my spoon down on the table, then threw back my chair and stomped outside. They let me stay there until my temper had cooled off, and when I walked back inside, Milda only pointed to a bedroll that had been laid open on the floor near the fire. “That’s for you,” she said. “Take a few days to rest and I’m sure you’ll begin to see that Ben is right.”

With some reluctance, I thanked her and lay down to sleep. But it didn’t come easily to me. All I could think about as I finally closed my eyes was that I already knew that Ben was right. The smartest thing to do was to leave the country and get to where it was safe.

And despite that, I intended to stay. There were still more books to be carried, more shelves to be filled. I couldn’t give up now.

The few days they wanted me to rest became a long week of waiting for Ben, who had come down with a cold that seemed to be getting worse each day. But when I asked about his health, he only brushed me aside and said, “You won’t use my little cough as an excuse to stay here. Lukas and I are going to fill the order for the priest and then take you back where you belong. Milda won’t be far behind, though she has some deliveries of her own to handle on the way out of the country.”

“She’s willing to give up book smuggling?” I asked.

“She has to, for the same reasons that you do,” Ben said. “No more arguing.”