Hallie didn’t move. “You can yell at me all you want, but I’m not leaving.”
“I told you to get out!” His voice was a growl.
She still didn’t move but just sat there beside him and waited. She knew he was embarrassed; she could feel it. It was like something that filled the room. Wave
s of regret and sorrow, fear and helplessness, were all around them.
Jamie turned onto his back, his hands on his chest, which was still heaving.
Hallie just waited. If she’d learned no other lesson in her life, she was very well acquainted with patience. Since she was eleven and her father had come home with a new wife and a pretty little stepdaughter, Hallie’d had to cultivate patience. It was a seed that had been planted on that first day and it had grown with the rapidity and strength of Jack’s beanstalk.
It took a while for Jamie’s breathing to quieten, for his heart to stop pounding. She saw a tear in a corner of his eye.
How awful it must be to be a man, she thought. To always be burdened with having to be strong, to show no weakness. A loss of strength made him think he was less than who he was supposed to be. Weakness took away who he was.
Finally, Jamie turned his head toward her. Just a bit, but it was enough for her to know that he was himself again.
She didn’t say anything, just patted her lap in invitation.
He didn’t hesitate as he put his head on her lap and his arms around her waist. “I’m—”
She put her fingertips over his lips. She did not want to hear an apology.
For a while he held on to her so tightly that she almost couldn’t breathe, but she didn’t try to loosen his grip. Instead, she just stroked his hair and waited for him to relax. When she felt his arms begin to loosen, she said, “Edith left us some tea. Want some?”
He took a while before he answered, then he nodded. She waited for him to sit up, and when he did, she wasn’t surprised that he wouldn’t look at her. When he tried to stand up, he stumbled and almost fell. Hallie’s instinct was to help him, but she didn’t. Instead, she got the big tray of tea off the dresser and put it on the coffee table. Jamie sat down on the couch.
“Look at this.” Hallie opened the bag and tossed him the embroidery hoop. “See the difference?”
Jamie still hadn’t looked at her, and she could see he was having trouble focusing on the embroidery. “It’s still the same.”
“That’s what I thought at first too, but look again.”
He picked up his phone and compared it to the picture he had taken that first day. “This is yellow.” Finally, he met her eyes.
“Right. The first one we saw had birds on it, but this one is of daffodils. Here are the birds.” She handed him a pillow. Jamie put both on the table. “You know, this is a bit creepy.”
“Very,” she said and handed him a cup of tea with six different types of cookies on the saucer.
He took a drink, then said, “Hallie, I…” He couldn’t seem to find words for what he wanted to say. “I don’t hurt anyone,” he said at last. “If I’d ever come close to hurting anyone, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be here alone with a young woman.” He took a breath. “It’s just that sometimes I don’t know where I am.” He paused. “I didn’t mean the things I said.”
Hallie nodded in understanding. “I know.” She could tell that he didn’t want to say any more about it. But that was all right because she too had things she didn’t want to talk about. She gasped. “The box! We forgot the box.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The one that hit me on the head. Remember? You freaked because you thought I was bleeding to death and you washed my hair. I turned into Meryl Streep fighting for her Kikuyus and—” She looked at his blank face. “It’s a girl thing. I’ll go get the box, but you stay here. Okay?”
“Yes,” he said softly. “I’ll stay right here and wait for you. Just this time don’t take too long.”
She wasn’t sure, but she thought maybe he was making a joke about what had just happened.
She went to the pantry but didn’t switch on the light. Instead, she leaned back against the wall and put her hands over her face. That had been truly scary! She’d not known how to help him. Stand back and let him get over it by himself? Or step in and do something?
When she closed her eyes, she seemed to hear the words “In every war, the soldiers are different. This one responds to love.”
Her eyes flew open, but no one was there. But she knew who had “spoken.” The same voice had told her which bedroom to choose, had told her to give a soldier orders, and was now giving her advice.
“Hallie!” Jamie yelled.