I twisted around in my seat, as if watching the street name get smaller would suddenly make Law turn back. Instead, he made a left onto a busier street and kept driving. At Law’s gentle tug on my fingers, I turned back and sat correctly.
There was still a part of me reluctant to trust Law. That part wanted to insist he turn back and take me to my house. I smothered that part with a pillow, reminding myself that in the past twenty-four hours Law had shown me more truth than I’d had in months. So wherever he was taking me, it had to be worth it.
Settling into the warmth of the car, I nearly dozed off. We were sheltered from the snow and wind outside. The Weeknd played through the speakers and I let my mind drift away with the lyrics. I barely noticed where we were going, letting myself trust in Law. When the car slowed to a stop, I looked outside the window and registered the destination. The recognition fell on me with as much force as a baseball bat to the head.
It was the same street I’d been coming to for weeks.
“What the fuck is this?” I yanked my hand from Law’s, alternating between glaring at him and the house outside. “How do you even know where he lives?”
Law shrugged. “Contacts in high places come in handy every now and then.”
I released a bitter laugh at his response. “I don’t know what you’re expecting but I’m not going in there.”
“Nami…” Law reached for my hand but I held it away.
“You had no right to do this, Law!” I yelled at him, but my gaze was pinned on the orange brick house we were parked in front of. Snow blanketed the yard and covered the roof. Even though it was early in the morning, I could see lights on inside. Tony was awake.
My heart ached to walk up the steps like I had so many times before. My mom used to keep the house smelling so nice. There was always some kind of candle lit or something cooking. When Mom died, Tony kept buying the candles and lighting them. I wondered what he was up to so early in the morning. Was he reading the news? Did he read about me? Did he ever think about me?
“Nami,” Law soothed, interrupting my thoughts. “I think you should talk to him. There’s a good chance he misses you just as much as you miss him.”
“What if he doesn’t?” The question slipped out in a whisper. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the brick house. Avoiding Tony had at least granted me the illusion of family. I could pretend he still wanted to see me. If I walked up to him and he disowned me, I would have nothing left.
I looked back to Law. Well, not nothing, not any more. S
ighing, I placed my hand on the car door.
“I can come with you,” Law said as I readied to open the door. I popped it open and bitter cold air slapped me in the face—though it still wasn’t as harsh as Boston. I almost welcomed it; the frigid gale cleared my thoughts.
I shook my head at Law. “This is something I need to do alone.” As angry as I felt, it wasn’t really with Law. It wasn’t even real anger. It was anger to mask my fear. If these past months had taught me anything, it was that anger was always easier. It was easier to be angry than to acknowledge how terrified I was to walk up the steps and knock on the door. I looked up at the orange house and back to Law, his face a silent comfort. I gave him a small smile, the most gratitude I could muster at the moment, and shut the door.
Nerves wracked my body as I made my way up the steps. He’s going to turn me away. It’s too early, he’ll be mad at me for waking him up. By the time I got control of my thoughts, I was standing on the welcome mat. It was red, white, and blue and read “Patriots”. At least some things hadn’t changed.
Before I could change my mind I slammed my fist against the door. I glanced hurriedly around. I could still run away. I could leave before he answered—
“Nami?” Tony appeared in the doorway. He looked at me like I was a ghost; I couldn’t read the other emotions. Was he upset? Or was he happy to see me? I rubbed my shoulders, not from the cold, but because I was anxious. “Nami, oh my god. I can’t believe it’s you.” Before I could respond, Tony pulled me into a hug.
On a couch in a house I used to call home, I gripped a mug of hot tea. Tony sat across from me. Wearing a shirt that read “I might be in Utah, but my Sox are in Boston”, he was just like I remembered him. It had been several minutes since the last word was spoken, and that word had been about tea. Awkwardness had settled like a thick fog and I couldn’t navigate it.
“Nami—”
“Tony—” We both said each other’s name at the same time. Time ticked on as we waited for the other to start speaking again, but neither did. Finally, Tony spoke.
“Where have you been?”
“Here, in Utah.” I took a sip from my tea.
“You’ve been here all this time? Why didn’t you call?” I heard the betrayal in his voice even more than I saw the pain in his eyes. His hurt lanced my side. I gripped the tea for comfort and protection.
“I was worried you would be disappointed…” I trailed off, staring into the honey swirls of my tea. The color was almost like that of Law’s eyes. It gave me strength. “I was worried you would hate me after what happened.”
Tears formed in Tony’s eyes. I gripped my mug harder, not sure what to do or say. I had prepared for the worst. I had prepared for Tony to kick me out and say awful things; that was all that had happened to me these past months, after all. I hadn’t prepared for this. His emotion was overwhelming and affecting.
“How could you think that?” Tony asked, his voice shaking. “How could you think I would hate you? You were raped, Nami. You did nothing wrong.”
I looked away again and into my mug. “The world doesn’t believe me. Why would you?”
“I know I’m not the dad you want, Nami.” Tony sighed. “But I love you like you’re my daughter and I’m never going to stop loving you. I don’t care what the world says. You’re my daughter. I wish you would have trusted me enough to come to me.”