Elastic Heart

“I guess I should feel something, right?” I asked, resting my chin on his pectorals. “I mean I’ve been working for exactly this, to see that bastard’s name dragged through the mud as it rightly should be.”

“But you don’t?” Law rubbed my arm. I was grateful for that gesture because even though the lofted apartment was warm, I felt cold.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he can’t hurt anyone else, but it’s almost as if I don’t care any more. This past year with you has been the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s been the bright spot in my murky waters. I just…” I trailed off, uncertain.

“You’re not required to feel anything for him, good or bad.” I nodded at Law, liking the way that sounded. I’d had numerous requests for interviews. People finally wanted to hear my story. Still, I’d turned them all down. The only person who seemed to understand why I was turning them down was Law.

Instead of calling me a liar, a slut, and a whore now, everyone was guessing about my state of mind. I was no longer a whore, I was a hero. I was a different kind of tabloid fodder.

The same people who had hated me loved me now. They wanted inside my head. They wanted to call me brave to my face. To the naked eye it seemed like I’d gotten what I’d been fighting for, but I knew better, and so did Law. It was just a different type of public lynching. They wanted to string me up and call me martyr.

I wasn’t a martyr. I’d swum in the black ooze. I’d done terrible things. I wasn’t ignoring their calls because I was mad or sad or utterly post traumatic. I was ignoring their calls because I’d moved on and wasn’t about to glorify Morris with so much as a whisper, much less a segment on 60 Minutes.

“So what do we do now?” I asked. “Now that I’m all enlightened and shit?”

“We could become monks,” Law suggested.

“We could…” I smiled, pretending to consider it.

“Or we could become preachers,” Law offered.

“That’s also a possibility.” I furrowed my brow, as if really thinking about it.

“Or,” Law continued. “We could finish packing and go fuck each other’s brains out until we can’t get out of bed.”

“That”—I pointed at him—“that is an idea I can get on board with.”

“Well, that’s the last of it. We are officially done packing,” Law said, closing the lid on his suitcase. He reached out and grabbed my wrist, pulling me in for a kiss. A year of his kisses and I still hadn’t tired of them. He opened me up, body and soul.

Breathless, I pulled back and gestured to the huge pile of clothing we’d yet to pack. “What about that stuff over there?”

“All right,” Law whispered, taking my ear between his teeth. “You caught me.” Law grinned and spun me around so I was flat against his chest. Bending down so his head was to my neck, he placed lingering kisses on the tip of my collarbone. He ghosted a trail of kisses to the top of my chest and I gripped his forearms, his lips making me fold into myself.

“It’s getting too quiet in here.” Law sucked along my skin, pushing my shirt aside to get at my bare shoulder. “The sound of you screaming my name is noticeably missing.” Law tugged the back of my neck and forced me to look at him. His honey eyes shone with lust, but he searched mine. Law never took what I didn’t offer.

“I’m going to fuck you,” Law stated. Only hours ago we’d made love and I still felt the echoes of our sex. My legs were weak, my arms were sore, and between my thighs I still felt him inside me.

“You are, are you?” I teased. I reached out and kissed him. Unlike our previous kiss, this one was forceful. It was needy. It was hot. We’d shared tongues and lips many times that year. I’d pecked him on the cheek. I’d kissed him goodnight. Our kisses had become our language, and the kiss we shared now was electric, the fire between us casting shadows.

We were searching for each other. We were renewing the bond we’d built. We were tasting for the lost souls we’d found together.

I broke apart just long enough to whisper, “Tie me up, Law.” Law smiled against my lips before separating to go get the rope.

When Law met me, I was beyond death. I walked the world and saw only ash and ruin. My body didn’t belong to me; it belonged to Morris. I saw it as a tool for his destruction. I didn’t believe in love; I worked in fear and hate. I let myself believe that because I hated, I was free. That was the opposite of the truth, though.

I was caged.

I was locked in with my demons. Law changed that, because Law made me love him. When you love someone, you have to exorcise your demons. When you’re alone, you can be swallowed up by them. Law forced me to exorcise my demons

Before Law, even before Morris, I’d been searching for clarity. I’d yearned for a love so true I could lose myself in it and not fear getting lost. I’d stared longingly at pictures of women tied up and feared that I would never have such trust in another. After Morris, I was convinced it was impossible.

Now I knew nothing was impossible, even love.

THE END