I sat in the corner watching Lissie, Zoe, and Lenny drink. Lissie and Zoe had water, but Lenny drank enough for the both of them. They weren’t at the usual bar, the one we’d been coming to since the beginning. Maybe it was too hard, held too many memories. Or maybe Joe just wanted the day off. They were at some shitty, hipster-techno mess. Loud dubstep played and strobe lights threatened to give me a seizure.
Still, I watched them.
Lennox was well past her limit. Her funeral dress was riding up past her thighs in a way that normally would have driven me crazy, but now just made me sorrowful. She was hurting and she was trying to drown her soul in alcohol. Lissie attempted to take the drink from her but she cradled it to her chest like a newborn.
Against better judgment, I moved closer.
“Nox you’ve had enough,” Lissie said.
“I can still feel my toes,” Lenny replied. “So no, I haven’t.” At their collective frown, Lenny shouted, but it sounded like whispers against the loud dubstep. “You don’t know! Okay? You don’t know! I’m not a widow.”
“You basically are, Nox,” Zoe said, voice soothing.
“No, I mean, even if he was my husband, I wouldn’t be a widow. I’m…dirty.” Lenny’s face shadowed as the past fell on her cheeks like clouds across a plain. “You don’t call the woman who murders her husband a widow. I did bad things, okay? I called him bad things. I used the fact that he was in an abusive home and that he went to war as a dagger to cut him. I knew he was hurting, but instead of getting him help I just…I fucking…” Lenny signaled for a drink; when the bartender ignored her, she climbed over the ledge. Zoe and Lissie exchanged looks but Lenny had already topped herself off and returned to her stool.
“I’m the reason he’s dead, okay? You wouldn’t call me a widow. He said I was always safe with him, but he was never safe with me.”
“Come on, Nox,” Zoe attempted. “Let’s go home.”
“Home?” Lenny replied, her voice high and almost hysterical. “I don’t have a home! My home is in ashes—literally.” At that Lenny took another gulp of her drink. “I used to think Vic and I would burn up. I used to think we would fall to ashes…” Lennox took another sip.
“You could take a break from Moore Events,” Zoe said, clearly trying to change the subject. “No one would fault you. You just lost…”
Lenny shot her a look. “I don’t need a break.”
“Maybe you should take one anyway.” Lissie gave Lenny a p
ointed look.
Taking a quick shot, Lenny returned Lissie’s pointed look. “It doesn’t matter, my mind won’t give me a break. I wake up, parties on my brain; I fall asleep, parties on my brain. I dream parties. Vic’s… Vic’s…” Lenny struggled with the word, eventually giving up. “Well it just made it worse.”
“Sounds…festive.” Lissie gave Zoe a look, but I don’t think Lenny saw; she was too busy climbing over the bar to top herself off again. When the bartender returned, she shooed him away.
“Well it’s not exactly that…” Lenny cradled her now overflowing drink to her chest. “It’s like, I dream these magical worlds. I have since I was little. Obviously now I know it’s that bipolar shit, right? Parties were the outlet I chose. I guess I could have been a writer, but I was never very good a stringing along a sentence.” Lenny dropped the drink, the glass shattering to the ground. It was so loud in the bar that no one save Zoe and Lissie noticed.
“That’s it, we’re going to get you an Uber.” They both stood and Lennox attempted to stumble after them, her protest dying in her slurs. She grappled with the barstool, nearly falling down. I stood up from the shadows, instinct overcoming sense. Just as I was about to help her, another intervened.
“Woah, there, are you all right?” A man who couldn’t have been older than twenty grabbed Lennox by the hips. He had sun-bleached hair and a tan face with teeth whiter than natural; they glowed under the blacklight. I glared from the shadows.
“I’m fine,” Lenny said, attempting to shrug him off.
“It looks like you could use some help.” Lenny didn’t respond, her eyes glassy and fogged. I knew that look. She was way beyond her limit; she was blacked out. I’d seen it before a few years back when she went out drinking with Lissie and Zoe. Lennox had no idea where she was any more.
It appeared the man knew that as well.
“Well, let’s get you out of here.” He grinned. I stepped forward from the shadows and placed my hand on his shoulder.
“What the fuck do you want?” He sneered.
I placed my hand on his chest. “Let her go.”
“Look man, I found her.”
I glared, clenching my jaw. “A woman is not a dollar to pick up off the floor.”
“Whatever bro.” Ignoring me, he grasped Lennox harder and started to walk away. I grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him back. Angling my right arm I threw a punch. All I needed was one correct hit to the jaw and he fell to the floor. No one noticed our altercation, either because of the pumping lights, the delirious beats, or because they were all simply too far gone in their drugs and alcohol.
Lennox fell into my arms. I lifted her up and proceeded to carry her out of the bar.