“When I was seventeen,” I started. “I left home and enlisted in the marines. A few years in I was plucked out of my unit and started training with a special team. At the time I thought it was government organized, like special forces. I was such a kid, I thought it was like in the movies. I would later discover it was a government funded private—”
Lenny put her hand up, still refusing to look at me. “Not that early, Vic.”
I shrugged, putting my own in my lap. “Well, what do you want to know?”
“Tell me the stuff that had you lying to me. Why you had to fake your death.” There was no annoyance in her voice. There wasn’t anything, none of that usual Lenny bite, but I knew better than to think it was gone. It was there, just beneath the surface, like piranhas trapped beneath a frozen lake.
“It’s all kind of tied in together.” She hadn’t moved since taking her spot in front of the window. I wondered what she was watching. It was a blue day, not a “blue” day, but a somber day. A gloomy day. The marine layer never dissipated and the world stayed gray.
Placing a hand on the glass, Lenny spoke. “I thought you were done with GEM, but then you said that stuff about your death toll. It made it pretty fucking obvious you were still working for them. I spent the weeks after your death trying to piece it together, I never got very far.”
“I wasn’t working for them Lenny. I did leave. I just…It got really fucking complicated…” I wasn’t about to beg Lenny for forgiveness based on the fact that technically I had left GEM. She had every right to be mad at me. I may have left GEM, but the minute I thought we’d ended, I called Dom and threw myself back in the fire. It was a fire made with different logs, but it burned the same. I had a feeling Lenny would see that.
Though the chances were, my phone call with Dom didn’t even matter. Alice would still have found a way to fuck me over, even if I hadn’t given her the ammo myself. When I think back on that call, those aren’t the what-ifs that come to mind. When I made that phone call, I betrayed something much more important than myself. “It’s all my fault, Lenny.”
“And dying was your solution?” Lenny broke through the ice and spun around, rage and betrayal wet on her face.
“It got so fucking complicated.” I ran a hand over my forehead, trying to smooth out the wrinkles, wishing I could smooth out the events that had put them there. I didn’t know how the fuck to explain to her what had happened, since I didn’t even know how to explain it to myself. “I never planned to fake my death. I planned to die. Then an…” How to explain Seven? He wasn’t a friend, that was fucking clear. “An acquaintance threw me a lifeline. I took it, because I was worried Alice wouldn’t leave you alone, even if I was dead. I tried to convince her I’d stopped caring about you, that you were only a payday to me—”
Lenny looked up, her blue gaze piercing. “That insurance policy…” I nodded just as she turned away from me again. “I never cashed yours in, you know.”
“Why the fuck not?” The anger that came out wasn’t meant to be directed at her, but it came out all the same. I was supposed to protect her and provide for her, and death made that a little bit harder. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t try, but Lenny and I didn’t exactly see eye to eye. Lenny fended for herself, even when I offered her millions of dollars on a fucking silver platter.
“Maybe because the irony was too thick. Maybe because it was too final. Maybe because it felt like some sick joke. I don’t know, pick a reason. I’ve got plenty.”
I felt an urge to run to her, to grab her, to kiss her, to love her and pull her away from that goddamn window. She clung to the glass like it was a life preserver; I’d been clinging to her visage in my mind the same way. Now she was there in the flesh, but it was like she was more ephemeral than when she’d only existed in my mind.
I’d recently healed a bullet wound, so what the fuck was the ache I was feeling?
“Is it over at least?” Lenny asked, fingering the drapes. “The death? The lying?”
“It’s over.”
Lenny visibly sagged, but just as quickly she tensed. “And you’ve been staying here?”
I laughed at her insinuation. “It wasn’t a vacation.” Raising an eyebrow, Lenny pressed her forehead against the glass. Out the window was a balcony, and below that were large pools that opened out to the beach.
“Sure looks like it,” she muttered.
“I don’t know about you, but my vacations don’t include burning people in a store.” I regretted the words the minute they left my mouth, but I just hated the idea of Lenny thinking I left her to relax, of letting Lenny think I would leave her for any other reason than absolute, dire necessity.
“That was you?” She turned around. Gripping the drapes until her fingers turned white, she continued, “I don’t know why I’m shocked. I don’t know why anything you say shocks me at this point.”
Her words felt like a challenge. “I killed Alice and a few other GEM agents that day.”
Lenny’s eyes narrowed. “What was the point of faking your death, then?”
“They didn’t know I was alive until that day.”
“That doesn’t explain why.” Shaking her head, she dropped the drapes. I knew I only had seconds to get Lenny convinced I wasn’t a total, worthless liar. I could visibly see her distrust forming like a wall around her.
3…she pursed her lips.
How the fuck did I explain why? The why was Seven, but that wasn’t a simple answer.
2…she averted her gaze.
Seven had handed me the life rope and just as quickly tied it around my neck.