“For the full four years, as long as I keep my grades up.”
I hugged him. “That’s amazing, Eli. If anyone deserves it, it’s you.” I pulled back, but kept my arm linked with his. Looking up at the sky, I wondered if dreams really did come true.
It was late Saturday afternoon, nearing the end of the week that Eli had gotten his acceptance letter to college. We’d celebrated all week, as much as I could get away from the house. Now we sat in one of the only parks our town had. The “playground” was rusted and more dangerous than it was worth. The grass was dead and dry like the rest of the town. Still, hundreds of dandelions grew in the old dilapidated park. People called them weeds, but I thought they were too pretty to be weeds.
Ever since I’d hit puberty, Daddy had feared for my soul. The older I got, the more likely I was to stray from the righteous path. Daddy spent more time keeping me locked up than he spent praying. Now that I was older, Daddy was even more strict, but now that I was older, I could handle the beatings better. I’d get beat when I got home, but it was worth it. It was worth it to spend as much time with Eli as I could before he left for college in the fall. Earlier in the week we’d gone out for ice cream, seen a movie, and even made love.
I used to fear Daddy could tell when I sinned, because he told me specifically that he could smell the sin on me. I knew better now, because Eli had shown me better. It still felt wrong to eat ice cream and it still felt wrong to see a movie, though. It never felt wrong to make love with Eli.
It was Saturday now, but Eli wasn’t acting himself. He’d been quiet all day. I’d bent over to pick a few dandelions when he said, “I’m not going to college.”
I laughed and stood up. I blew dandelion wisps at his face as I spoke. “What are you talking about?”
Eli shrugged, standing up off of the rusty merry-go-round he’d been sitting on. “I decided I’m not going to college.” I lowered the dandelions, still clasping their rubbery stems in my hand.
“What are you talking about?” I repeated, frowning.
Eli turned from me, kicking the rusted merry-go-round. “It’s just too complicated with you.”
“Eli, I’m not going anywhere,” I assured him. “I’ll be here when you finish. Stop being dumb.”
“And Zero.”
The dandelions fell from my grasp. I felt like a gong had sounded in my belly. Zero. The few times I’d met him had been far from pleasant. Zero was like a fungus growing on our town. Sure our town hadn’t been that great to begin with—it had my daddy, for instance, and roots of racism that went deeper than the Civil War, but Zero was the real problem. Zero was like the stop sign that ended all progress, so of course Zero was the reason Eli wasn’t going to college.
“What about Zero?” I asked, anger brimming my tongue.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Eli walked away from the merry-go-round, kicking up with such force the thing started to spin again. I wasn’t going to take it. I followed him through the park, dry grass crunching beneath our soles.
“You can’t do that, Eli Jackson. You can’t drop a bomb like that on me and just walk away,” I yelled after him.
“Stop pressin’ Gracie,” Eli growled, not turning to look at me.
“What’s Zero got to do with you going to college?” I yelled, fuming.
Eli spun around. “You wouldn’t understand!”
I put my hands on my hips. “So make me.”
“I owe him. You can’t leave when you owe money to a man like Zero.”
“How much do you owe him?” I demanded.
“Does it matter?” Eli asked, bitterness seeping off his tongue.
I shrugged. “Maybe I can help pay it off.”
All the bitterness in Eli dissipated. He smiled, stepping toward me. “Gracie, you got a heart bigger than your head, sometimes.”
I shook Eli off. “Don’t you patronize me, Eli Jackson. I want to help.”
“I know you do. But you can’t. This is my problem. I shoulda listened to you when you told me he was no good.”
“So what? That’s it? You’re just gonna stay here and throw away everything?” I couldn’t believe what he was saying. I looked at him, disbelief radiating from my pores. He wasn’t just accepted to college, they were going to pay for everything. He had a chance to get out and make something of himself. There was no way I was gonna stand by and let him throw that away.
“Not everything,” Eli smiled. “I got you still.”
Eli pulled me into a hug before I could respond. Me? He’s got me? He coulda had the world. He coulda gone to college and been a lawyer, fulfilled his dream. Me? That’s it?