“Yes,” I said hastily. I was so close to securing this deal.
“What will you be doing little Grace?” Zero’s beady eyes narrowed.
“Drugs,” I said, trying to sound calm. “I’ll be selling drugs.”
Zero snapped his fingers, apparently thinking. “Show me you can sell something. I’ll give you a batch of my stash and if you can sell it, I’ll give you your deal.” I felt simultaneous relief and fear. As one weight lifted from my shoulders, another fell and left me prostrate. I didn’t know how I was going to pull this off, but at least Eli was free.
“One last thing,” I added, before Zero went to get the drugs. He eyed me, curious but irritated. “Eli can never know.”
Zero laughed. “Like I give a shit.”
I was merely going through the motions. Customers put their orders in, I smiled, they smiled; inside I was like a melting ice cube, numb and slowly fading.
“You okay?” Marci came up behind me, placing an arm on my upper back. It was a kind gesture and once again I was thankful for the job I had, thankful that I had someone like Marci as my manager.
“I’m okay,” I lied, smiling wanly at Marci. “Just didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“I was serious when I said you could take the whole week off.”
“Thanks, but I’m really okay.” I tried to smile big at Marci, but failed, my smile looking more like a grimace. Furrowing her brows, Marci patted my shoulder and walked into the back office, but not before telling me that I was using the wrong lid colors for orders: decaf was the orange lid and caffeinated was the blue lid. I sighed and thanked her for informing me of my mistake.
I wondered how many customers had gotten the wrong order.
“I can help the next customer,” I said, my voice emotionless despite trying to forcefully shove pep into it as if I could create a semblance of happiness. I didn’t even register the faces. They were all blobs ordering coffee to me. “I’ll have a decaf non frap caramel,” one blob would say. “Right on it,” I’d reply to the blob, forcing another smile to my face.
Could the blobs see me if I couldn’t see them?
“You haven’t called.”
“Would you like tall, grande, or venti?” I asked the blob.
“Gracie.”
I blinked quickly, my eyes like the shutter of a camera trying to focus. The blob in front of me transformed into Eli. Was I dreaming?
“Eli?” I whispered.
“Gracie,” he responded. I jumped back, feeling naked and exposed. Talking to him over the phone was so very different than having him in the flesh where I worked.
I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t ready for him to come and find me. I’d severed the ties. I’d prepared myself for a life without him and now he was showing up all the time, each time like an electric shock to my system.
“I—” Stuttering, I tried to formulate a response.
“You can’t just call all hot and bothered and then go radio silent,” Eli leaned in, whispering. “You can’t do that to me, Bug.”
“Don’t call me that.” I wasn’t “Bug” any more. “Bug” had died and her body was buried in Georgia. As I opened my mouth to send Eli away, to tell him to stop calling me Bug, anything to get under control, the customer behind Eli spoke.
“Excuse me, Grace?”
“I’m sorry, sir, I’ll be right—” I cut off, once again dumbfounded as I looked to see the customer behind Eli. Who was it? None other than my brother. Vic was standing in the middle of the store, hands in his pockets, almost looking contrite, but I knew better than to ever think my brother could be contrite.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice laced with suspicion.
“Grace?” Eli tried to get my attention back. I shook my head, facing Eli again. This was too much. Vic and Eli? Why had Vic chosen now of all times to show up? I’d been trying to talk to him since I’d come to Santa Barbara but he showed up now? When it rains, it pours.
“Eli,” I said, my attention on him. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“You can’t get rid of me so easily, Bug,” Eli growled. I frowned, noting how he still called me Bug, but nodded at his words. Eli spun and walked out the door. I turned my attention back to Vic.