I turned on my indicator, the blinker sounding as loud and persistent as my heartbeat. The gravel driveway crunched under my tires. I opened the car door just as Nathan appeared in the doorway of his parents’ house, his eyes narrowed like he couldn’t quite place me.
“Hi,” I said. “I was invited for breakfast.” I shoved my hands into my pockets, scared to walk toward him. I didn’t want to see the anger and disappointment in his eyes.
He nodded. “Right. Well, you’d better come in then.”
As much as Nathan was close to his family, they didn’t need to hear what I had to say. “Maybe we could talk first?” I asked. “I have some things I’d like to say.”
He didn’t reply but instead pulled the door shut behind him and walked over to me. “We can go and see how Dad’s cabbages are doing. He’s fighting a losing battle with the snails from what I hear.”
He didn’t sound angry. But I supposed I’d never seen Nathan furious. Irritated definitely, but never enraged. I nodded and tried to catch his eye, but he glanced over to behind the house.
We walked in silence under the clear blue sky that was at least a hundred times bigger than the sky in London. I didn’t know where to start. There were so many things to be sorry for.
“I should have told you my mother is Mandy Mason,” I said as we walked.
He nodded, his stare fixed on the ground.
“I’m sorry. Things kind of shifted in Norfolk and I knew I had to tell you. I just wanted to find the right time.”
“Apology accepted,” he said, still not even glancing in my direction. Was this Nathan’s version of shutting me out? Hearing what I had to say out of politeness, with the intention of shaking my hand and sending me on my way when I was done? It didn’t matter. He deserved my apologies no matter what.
“The article,” I continued. “I shouldn’t have—”
He stopped abruptly, gazing toward the trees. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Nathan.” I reached out and he didn’t flinch as I placed my palm on his arm. “I’m here to say I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be,” he said, glancing at my hand. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine.” I removed my hand and stuffed it back in my jeans. “I knew Astro was the most important thing in the world to you, and I also knew my article might take that away.”
“God, Madison,” he said, turning toward me. “Why is life so fucking complicated?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “But it is. When Craig threatened to tell Bernie about me being at your place, and you were angry with me about my mum, all I thought was, well, I might as well salvage my career out of this.”
“Did you believe what you wrote?” he asked, looking me in the eye at last.
I wasn’t going to lie to him. My stomach swooped. “I’m sorry, Nathan. I did. I do—believe every word.”
He sucked in a breath. “That I’m not up to the job?”
“That you’re entirely too good for the job. And that you’d be happier doing something else.”
He shook his head. “Fucking Jacob. I hate it when he’s right.”
I wasn’t following. “Jacob?”
“Never mind. I’m resigning from Astro later today.”
My fingers found my throat in a futile effort to hold in a gasp. “Nathan, no. They’re not going to listen to me. You can win, convince them you’re more than capable—”
He stepped back from me and started to walk again, his pace brisker this time. I had to half-run every other step to keep up.
“I don’t want to. This is my decision. I think you—and my family—might be right. It’s time for someone else to lead Astro.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He’d changed his mind about wanting to run his company? I never thought that would happen in a million years. “Are you sure?”
“As certain as I’ll ever be.”
I grabbed his arm and pulled us to a stop. “Can we just . . . stand for a minute? I can’t think straight. Are you . . . angry?” If he’d come to the decision to step down from Astro, what did that mean for us? Could he forgive me for what I’d done?
“No, I’m not angry.” He glanced around at the flat landscape, the green of the trees crisping at the edges, hinting at the onset of autumn. “Being here, in Norfolk, with my parents . . . it’s like hitting a reset button.”
It was as if the web of anxiety that had covered and trapped me since I’d left Nathan’s days ago simply melted away. I snapped back into the world with what felt like a physical jolt. “I should have brought something,” I said. “I don’t even have flowers for your mum.”
“I’m not sure her invitation gave you much time.”