Private Player

I smiled. “No. And I didn’t want to waste a second getting here.”

“Well, like I said, I accept your apology about your mum, and there’s no apology needed about the article. So . . . we’re all good.” He shrugged in the boyish manner I’d never seen in London, only here, in the Norfolk air. “Audrey told me about you writing her book.” Was he small-talking with me? I wasn’t sure if I was surprised or relieved.

“Yeah. Bernie offered me a permanent spot at the Post, but I said no.”

“Really? Wow.”

I didn’t want to tell him I didn’t like the idea of having the power to destroy people’s jobs or livelihoods. I hated the thought of having to fight my colleagues for work and chase after stories I wasn’t interested in. He didn’t need to hear any of that.

“Shall we head back to the house?” he asked.

I couldn’t let that be it. Perhaps I should call it a win and walk away, but I couldn’t let myself. “There’s just one more thing.”

“Breakfast?” he asked and smiled. God it felt good to see that, like the sun melting the ice between us.

I didn’t let myself smile back. Not yet. Not until I’d told him everything. “Two more things,” I corrected myself.

“Go on.”

“It’s the way I feel about you,” I said, searching his face for a clue to whether or not he felt it too. “I don’t have flowers or balloons or someone writing it in the sky. All I have is me. And it’s not much of a grand gesture, but I need to tell you that I love you.”

Seconds seemed to turn into minutes as I waited for some kind of reaction from him. He rocked back on his heels. “I’m going to have a lot of time on my hands, starting from tomorrow,” he said.

Was he just going to ignore what I said? My cheeks flushed with heat. I should leave. Make my excuses and drive back to London. I’d come here to apologize and I’d done that. “Yes,” I said to the muddy grass. It was the only thing I could manage.

“Perhaps I should spend that time working at being a boyfriend.”

My head snapped up, the question surely shining in my eyes.

“More specifically, your boyfriend,” he said with a shrug.

“Well, I’m not sure if it would take up your entire day, but I like the idea.”

He grabbed my hand and wrapped his fingers around mine. “I’m not sure. I’ve never done it before, so I’m going to need to work at it. But I want to try. I want . . . you.”

Heat radiated from my solar plexus and I stepped forward, leaning toward him. “You want me?” I asked. “Even after everything that . . . Everything I’ve done?”

“Maybe because of it,” he said. He paused as if he was checking himself. “Having had some time and after listening to Jacob, I think I understand now that you saw me more clearly than I saw myself. Wanted more for me than I dared to want. Liked me better than I liked myself.”

My breath caught at his words. “I couldn’t like a person more than I like you.”

“Like?” he asked, a shy smile curling around his lips.

I wanted to say it again but I wanted to hear it from him, too. “More than like,” I replied.

“I knew you were trouble when I invited you to Norfolk. It’s a sacred place. It must have been love even then.”

“You love me?”

“Yes, Madison. I love you. I don’t want to lose you. I want to see me and the world through your eyes. I want to figure out what I do next with your help. I just . . . want you. Full stop.”

I bit down on my lip to stop myself from bursting with relief. “I think I realized I loved you in Norfolk too,” I said.

“Does that mean you’ll let me try?”

“I think I’d best.”

He hooked his arm around my waist and pulled me toward him. “You know I was coming to see you as soon as I’d handed in my resignation,” he said. “I shouldn’t have left it so long. It won’t happen again.”

He smoothed his cheek over mine and then pressed his mouth against my lips. It was as if someone had pushed my on switch; heat coursed through me. I was determined to stay kissing this man for the rest of my life.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” How could he be apologizing? He’d have been justified in never talking to me again. “Whatever happens between us, I don’t think I’ll ever move on from you. It’s like you’re a part of me now. And some part of me . . . it will always be yours.” He was more than a man I loved. He was a man I respected. A man I enjoyed talking with. A man I didn’t ever want to be without. “I feel more myself when I’m with you.”