Damaged Gods

“Cute,” he repeats.

And now it’s getting awkward. “So. I guess it’s time to feed you. What do you want for breakfast?”

He doesn’t say it, but I hear it anyway. You.

I bite my lip, unsure what to do. Maybe letting him sleep in my bed was a huge mistake? Does he think we’re like… a couple now? Because we’re not. He’s got a very nice upper body and no lie, that dick of his would definitely be a pleaser. But he’s still a monster. I’m pretty sure there are rules against falling in love with a monster.

He pushes the covers away, swings his legs out of bed, then bends over with his face in his hands, like he’s a slow waker and needs a moment.

But that’s not what he’s doing. He’s thinking or something. I’m just about to leave and go make breakfast when he slowly turns his head towards me. “I know what you’re thinking.”

“Me?” I point to my chest. “What am I thinking? I’m not thinking anything.”

“You’re thinking, He’s a beast. He’s half animal. He and I aren’t going anywhere. And I get it.” He pauses here to stare into my eyes, checking to see if I’m listening. Checking to see if I’m taking him seriously. “I get it. You’re a very pretty human. And you’re stuck here with me. Tomas and I are the only people you will ever get to be yourself with. And that can lead to things, or feelings—”

“Pell. Look. We slept next to each other for one night. It’s no big deal. You were being… heroic last night. Saving me from my fear of living all the way down here in the cottage. That’s all it was.” I smile broadly at him, trying to make myself believe that line of bullshit I just spewed. But my heart is beating wildly because everything is different right now. Nothing is the same between us. And it’s not about the hornjob or sleeping next to each other last night.

There is something different about us.

“That’s all it was?” he asks.

I nod. “Yep. And thank you, by the way. For coming down here with me. But you won’t have to do it again.”

He stands up. No pants. And I have to remind myself that his kind don’t wear pants. “You’re not afraid of the monsters anymore?”

“I am.” I keep my eyes stoically trained on his. I will not look down. I will not. “But I’m not gonna stay down here in the cottage.” I look around at the bedroom and then my eyes wander to the loft and get caught on the shutters of the tall windows down below. “It’s weird. There’s something wrong with it.”

Pell looks around too. “Looks pretty nice to me.”

“That’s just it.” I look back at him and shrug. “When I first applied for the job and Grant mentioned the caretaker’s cottage, my mind conjured up this image, ya know? A cottage. Quaint, cozy, fireplace, and kinda French countryside.” I point to the open half wall. “The shutters on the windows. And on the outside, it doesn’t look anything like the cottage I imagined. It’s really just another stone building with some cool symmetrical windows. But in here it was everything I pictured. Right down to the shutters, Pell.”

He’s got a stupid grin on his face. And then he sighs and shakes his head a little. “This is what’s worrying you? The décor is yours and doesn’t go with the outside?”

“What? It’s creepy, don’t you think?”

“Pie.” He walks over to me. I will not look down. I will not do it. He puts his massive hands on my shoulders and looks down at me with a pretty serious face. I have to tilt my head way up to meet his gaze, that’s how big he is. “It’s magic. Don’t you get it?”

He lets go of my shoulders, but grabs my hand and leads me downstairs and out into the cool morning air. He points up the hill at the top half of the cathedral that’s visible from down here. “That’s the same way. On the outside it’s one thing. It’s a church, it’s a cathedral, it’s a sanctuary. But what is it on the inside?”

I huff out some air as I pull my skimpy robe tighter around me. “I’ve noticed. It makes no sense.”

“It’s the same thing here. All the buildings here are like that. Even the tombs. The inside is magic, Pie. And these buildings will adapt and change. The caretaker cottage adapted to your expectations that first day. And I think it’s kinda cool.”

“How do you figure?”

“It recognized you.”

“I don’t think I like the sound of that.”

“Why not?”

“Because then… then this whole thing becomes something inevitable. Like… fate. Like I never had a choice in it.” I look up at him. “How did you get like this? Were you born this way? Are monsters just real and you’re one of them? Or were you a man once?”