Kept Man: Firsts and Forever Stories

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea that would happen.” I felt sick to my stomach.

He pushed his hair out of his face again. “I thought you understood. Arlen hates me.”

“But he’s your brother, and—”

“That doesn’t matter!”

He was starting to shift from hurt to angry. In response, my own anger rose to meet his, and I asked, “Would it be that hard to apologize to him?”

“I’ll apologize right after he does.”

“You’re both in the wrong, Micah, and you’re both too stubborn to make the first move and try to mend your relationship.”

“There’s nothing to mend!”

“You’re wrong. He came here for a reason,” I insisted.

“He came here because he’d obviously found out I was under house arrest, and he wanted to rub it in my face. You heard what he said about my ‘recent press.’ That means he knew exactly what he’d find when he came to see me.”

“Okay, so he’s a petty little shit. But he’s still your family.”

Micah threw his hands up and exclaimed, “That doesn’t mean anything!”

I yelled, “Yes, it does! Do you know what I’d give for even five more minutes with my mom? I never, ever get to have that, but it’s not too late for you and your brother. You still have a chance to fix things!”

When I burst into tears, his voice softened. “Shit, Jasper, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have accused me of going behind your back, when all I did was ask for a phone number! That’s it, just a number. I never called him, and I sure as hell never asked him to come here. I just wanted you to have a way to get in touch with him.”

“I still don’t understand why you felt that was necessary.”

The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. “Because I love you, Micah, and if you leave San Francisco without me, I don’t want you to be all alone in the world.”

Well, shit. That definitely hadn’t been how I’d planned to tell him I loved him, and so much for waiting until January.

After a moment, something awful occurred to me—my confession was still hanging in the air between us. Why wasn’t he saying anything?

He looked stunned as I met his gaze.

At that point my insecurity hijacked all my higher brain functions, and all I could think was, he doesn’t feel the same way I do. I blurted, “Forget I said anything,” and ran out the door.

Micah called, “Wait,” but I didn’t stop.

I ran to the corner before slowing to a walk, and made it about five more blocks before running out of steam. Then I sat down on the curb and hugged my knees to my chest as tears blurred my vision.

Oh god, what a mess.

I knew running away wasn’t the right call, and that we needed to talk about this. But not yet, not until I had some time to sort through what had just happened.

After a few minutes, I got my tears under control and pulled my phone from my pocket, hoping to see some messages from Micah. There were none. I pushed down that new lump of disappointment and called Ash. I was cold and miserable and just wanted to go to bed and hide under the covers.

My best friend answered with a cheerful, “Hey! What’s up?”

“I might have just ruined everything with Micah.”

“What happened?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Where are you, Jasper?”

I looked around at the unfamiliar residential neighborhood. “I’m sitting on a street corner, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t have my wallet, shoes, or the keys to my apartment.”

“Tell me your cross streets.” I recited the street names on the sign above me, and he said, “Don’t move. I’ll be right there.” When the call ended, I curled into a ball again and tried to make myself stop crying.

Maybe ten minutes later, the sound of screeching brakes made me look up from where I was huddled on the curb. Ash had recently repaired his lavender SUV, which had been broken down for more than a year, and I’d never been happier to see it.

He tumbled out of the passenger seat and ran to me as he exclaimed, “Oh honey, come here!”

When I stood up, he almost knocked me over with a tackle hug. I instantly burst into tears again. After squeezing me hard for a few seconds, he guided me to the back seat. Wes started driving, and Ash asked him, “Could you turn up the heat, sweetheart? Jasper’s half-frozen.”

Wes did as he asked while I murmured, “You got here fast.”

“Wes broke every traffic law, because I told him it was an emergency.” Ash handed me a tissue and asked, “What happened, Jas?”

I told him about Micah’s brother showing up out of the blue, and the chain of events that led up to it. Then I said, “While I was trying to explain why I’d wanted to help, I ended up blurting out that I loved him. But he didn’t say anything, Ash. He just stood there.”