“Oh no. That must have hurt.”
“It did. And then I ran away. I just had to get out of there and get myself together.” I exhaled slowly before saying, “Remember when I said I needed to wait until January to tell him how I felt? This is exactly what I was afraid of. He just wasn’t on the same page.”
As I leaned against him, Ash murmured, “I totally encouraged you to tell him you loved him, because I was sure it was mutual. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“This isn’t your fault.”
“What are you going to do, Jasper? I know this must feel awful right now, but you’re not just going to walk away, are you?”
“No. I just need some time. I love Micah with all my heart, but I made everything completely awkward between us and I need to figure out how to fix it.”
When we pulled up in front of my apartment building, Ash asked, “Do you want me to come inside with you?”
“I think I need some time to myself right now, but thank you both for coming to get me.”
“If you change your mind, call me. I can be here in five minutes.” He pulled his keyring from his pocket and handed it to me. Good thing I’d insisted he kept his keys when he moved out.
We both climbed out of the SUV, and I hugged him and murmured, “Thanks for being such a wonderful friend, Ash.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I’ll check in later to see how you’re doing.” He climbed into the passenger seat, and my friends waited until I unlocked the security gate before they drove off.
Once I was inside my apartment, I took a few deep breaths and tried my damnedest not to start crying again. I hadn’t been back here in a while, and I realized after a few moments that it didn’t feel like home anymore. Micah’s house did.
I sat down just inside the door and leaned against it. Then I whispered, “What the hell am I going to do?”
Chapter 11
I was still leaning against the door a few minutes later when someone knocked on it and startled the hell out of me. I scrambled to my feet and opened it, and found one of my neighbors standing there holding a shopping bag. He said, “Hey. Are you Jasper Gordon? We met at the mailboxes once, but I’m not sure if I’m remembering your name right.”
“Yeah, that’s me.”
“This is going to sound weird, but there’s a guy going up and down the block calling your name and asking everyone if they know you. I didn’t tell him where to find you in case he’s a stalker or something, but I thought you should know.”
I asked, “What does he look like?”
“He’s a hot older guy with long hair.”
I blurted, “Oh my god,” and ran out of the apartment as my heart started to race. On my way to the stairs, I yelled, “Thank you!”
My neighbor called after me, “No problem.”
Once I got outside, I paused at the top of the stairs and looked around. A moment later, I faintly heard someone yelling my name, and then I spotted Micah on the other side of the street. He looked so lost.
I dashed down the stairs and out into traffic. A car horn blared and brakes screeched, which made Micah look in my direction. A soon as he saw me, he began running toward me.
We met on the crowded sidewalk, with people passing by on either side of us. He’d put on sneakers and was dressed in the same T-shirt and shorts, and the light on his anklet was flashing red. I asked, “What are you doing, Micah?”
“I had to come find you, but I didn’t know your address. I just remembered your street name, and that the number was four-hundred-something from when you gave me your information for the background check.”
“I can’t believe you left the house. You’re going to go to jail for this!”
“I know, but I needed to talk to you.”
“I was going to come back tomorrow.”
“This couldn’t wait, and it couldn’t happen over the phone. I did try to call and ask you to wait for me on my way here, but it was out of charge.” He held out his dead phone to show me before sticking it in his pocket.
I asked, “What was so urgent that it was worth going to jail?”
“This.” He closed the gap between us, took my face between his palms, and kissed me. It was tender and lingering and filled with so much promise.
Then he said, “I love you, Jasper. I was hoping over time, you might learn to love me, too. And then you just said it, and I was sure I’d misheard you. I was completely rattled from seeing my brother for the first time in years, and you said something about me leaving San Francisco without you, but before that…before that, you said you loved me, and I couldn’t believe it. I paused for a moment to play back what had just happened, and all of a sudden, you were running out the door. Then I realized what I’d done—I’d just stood there like an idiot and didn’t say anything. I’m so sorry.”