Steamroller

“Oh I’m so glad,” I assured him, the sarcasm clear. “It’s a relief that it’s not a problem.”

“C’mon, you know what I mean.”

“Are you kidding?” My arms were waving around like I was a crazy person. “Just get married? Just like that?”

“Why? What?”

His mother made a noise, and he looked at her.

“Well, darling,” she began, clearing her throat. “That’s not much of a proposal, now is it?”

“No?”

“Love, most people get married because they want to, not because they have to. I suspect Vince is not interested in getting married merely to satisfy his need of a guarantee.”

“Yeah, but I want to marry him.”

“Oh,” she whimpered, hand over her heart.

“I want him to be mine for, like… ever.”

She turned to look at me, and I could tell she was barely holding it together, biting her bottom lip.

“He barely knows me,” I cautioned her.

“Yes, well, sometimes––” She took a breath. “––that doesn’t matter. When you know, you know.”

“I—”

“So we’ll get married,” Carson declared, his smile bright.

I couldn’t breathe.

“I’ll get you a ring. A really nice one. They have them for guys at Tiffany’s now, did you know that?”

I didn’t know that, but more importantly, I was going to pass out. I just knew it.

“Whatever you want that will make you say okay.”

“Carson, you—”

He grinned up at me. “Yeah, I love you.”

His mother left then. I suspected that she didn’t want to come apart in front of her somewhat fragile son.

I smoothed a hand down his good shoulder back to his hand and held on for dear life.

“You look like you’re gonna faint.”

“I… you can’t. It’s too fast.”

“You know, your eyes look like chocolate icing on cake.”

A noise got stuck in the back of my throat.

“You’re gonna engineer that plant, right? The one that’s gonna make it so no one ever goes hungry again.”

I nodded.

“See, I was listening.” He arched an eyebrow. “So somebody will have to build the biodome for you; someone will have to build the aqueducts and the facilities where you’re gonna work. Somebody will have to be there to hold your hand when you get the Nobel Peace Prize and will have to pass you the books when you have your signings. I’ll be the most important guy on your team, and I’ll hold you down in bed whenever I get the chance.”

He was reading my mind.

“You need a partner in your dream, and that’s me. I’ll do the for richer or poorer thing with you, since you’re doing the in sickness thing with me right now.”

I tried to squint so I wouldn’t cry. He was turning me into a total sap.

He let go of my hand so he could wipe away my tears with his fingers. “Just stay, okay? Don’t leave me. As weird as it is, I’ve never asked anyone else for anything my whole life. But I’m asking you, Vince.”

“Let me think,” I insisted as I saw him struggling to stay awake.

“Fine, do that. But don’t leave.”

“I won’t leave.”

“Swear.”

I nodded.

“Okay,” he exhaled, hand reaching. I took hold again, and he laced his fingers with mine. “Okay,” he said again.

He was asleep seconds later.

8

I was glad Carson slept through his father’s outrage, the vile name-calling, and the family lines being drawn. His brother, Tyler, and his sister, Gretchen, did not give a damn that Carson was bi. They were both horrified that their father and grandmother were so vicious. When his father stormed out, followed by his grandmother, it was even more interesting to note that some of Mr. Cress’s own siblings didn’t leave with him. And while I felt bad for Carson’s mother, she seemed resigned to things like divorce and redistribution of assets and settlement of property. Though, as she told me, he wasn’t getting anything of hers; the prenup prevented that.

“It’s not for you or Carson to concern yourselves with.” Gretchen smiled at me, and her face was kind, like her brother’s. “It’s for me and Mom and Ty to deal with.”

“Why? Why not Carson too?”

“Because the business isn’t his end. It never will be. He’s got another path,” Tyler chimed in.

“Huh.” Gretchen grinned at her older brother.

“What?” Tyler asked her.

“That was some deep stuff there, Ty.”

He squinted at her, and she laughed hard.

“We’ll take care of everything,” Tyler promised me. “You just take care of Carson. Okay, Vince?”

But I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know. I was crappy with change, and this one had come at light speed.

Later, as I stood beside the window staring down at the parking lot, still filled with news trucks and police cruisers at one in the morning, I called Matt.

“It’s fuckin’ early, asshole.”

“Sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

And I wasn’t.

“Where the fuck are you?”

I cleared my throat. “I’m in Phoenix.”

“With Cress?”

“Yeah, with Cress.”

Long silence.

“And so what?” Matt asked.

“I dunno.”

“Are you gonna come home?”

“Not sure where that is at the moment.”

He was silent a second before he answered, “I see.”