Out on the Serve (Out in College 7)

“Hi.”

“Want some tea?”

Want a beer? How about a grilled cheese?

“Tea? No. Thanks.” I tossed my keys onto the island and sat heavily on one of the barstools.

He nodded before adding hot water to his mug. Then he leaned against the opposite side of the island and let out a jagged rush of air.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” I frowned.

“I got in the way tonight and—”

“Stop. I’m the one who should apologize. I didn’t read the small print, Bray. I didn’t know what they were up to, and I can’t say it’s because they tricked me. I just…I wasn’t paying attention. The story bullshit didn’t matter to me, and I should have known better.” I pushed my hand through my hair and sighed. “What do you want me to do? Tell me how to make it better.”

“Better?”

“Yeah. If the shoe was on the other foot and some random ex of yours showed up out of the blue, I’d be pissed and upset and…how can I fix it?”

He pursed his lips so hard it looked painful; then he sucked in a breath. “By playing the game you love. Have the ride of your life and enjoy every step of the journey. Be happy, El. That’s all you need to do.”

“I am happy.”

His eyes welled ominously. “Good.”

“What’s wrong, Bray? Talk to me, baby.”

“Nothing, I just…I’ve been thinking about what comes next. Real-life stuff.” He wiped his nose on his shirt and continued in a scratchy tone. “This was my first real summer in…forever. Nothing went as planned, and it turned out surprisingly better than if I’d actually gotten a part in that play ’cause for the first time ever, I had a chance to breathe. I realized I’ve been in limbo for a while and fuck, maybe I still am. Geez, I should’ve punched that guy, right?”

“Drew?”

“Yeah, and I should have screamed at Sophie and told her to back the fuck out of my life and yours and instead…I left.” He paced the island and slapped his hands on the counter angrily. “Because it was the responsible thing to do. The reasonable thing to do. I’m so fucking tired of being responsible and reasonable. And…I’m not ready for this to end.”

His voice cracked before a wicked silence fell between us.

“Baby, we don’t have to end.”

“It’s almost September.”

“That doesn’t mean anything and you know it.” I jumped from the stool, rounded the island, and pulled him into my arms.

Braden pushed my chest and took a step back. “Elliot, I’m not—I don’t belong here. I’m good at pretending to have my shit together for short stints only. I’m like fucking Cinderfella right now. The wheels are coming off and—”

“No, they’re not. You’re fine. We’re both fine,” I whispered, reaching for him again.

“I just need space to figure out what comes next.”

I wrapped my arms around him again and held on tighter still. I wanted to beg him to stay, but I was afraid to say anything. There was harmony in the silence. There was balance, and some form of peace. And the second he walked away, it would fall apart like a house of cards.

“Let’s go to bed. We can talk in the morn—”

“I’m gonna go.”

“Forever?”

“No. Just for now,” he said in a small voice.

Braden leaned in and kissed my cheek. He took his cup of tea and poured it down the sink, painstakingly rinsing it before putting it in the dishwasher. Then he moved by me and picked up a small bag sitting beside the door.

“Bray, wait. I’m going to tell you something, and I don’t want you to say a word. You might not be ready to hear it, but I need to say it.”

“El…”

“I always blow my timing. I try to get things right and end up getting it wrong, but I can’t let you walk away without telling you I think you’re the best fucking person I know. If you need time, take it. I’m here. I’ll be here tonight and tomorrow, and I’ll be here in September and October. I’ll wait for you for as long as you need me to. I love you.”

Braden pulled me into his arms. We stood like that for a long time, and I was okay with it. If he was here, we’d be okay. If he left for good…I didn’t know what I’d do. He brushed his nose against mine and kissed me softly. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. I wanted to beg him to stay, but that wasn’t what he needed. So, I offered a wobbly smile and watched helplessly as he walked out the door.

11

Elliot

Professional volleyball tournaments were like mini outdoor music festivals. There was a lot of pomp and circumstance behind major events, like the Manhattan Beach Open. This was the big time, and the fans were voracious. They followed their favorite players, kept track of standings, and enthusiastically cheered from the sand and on the bleachers erected around the main court. Even those who knew nothing about the sport couldn’t deny it was a blast. Music, sunshine, an ocean breeze, concession stands selling things you needed and more things you didn’t…and eye candy everywhere.