“Trust me, he looks worse than I do,” I huffed.
“I believe you. You’re tough, baby. But you’re scared too. I don’t want you to be sad or scared. I don’t want you to resent me or wish you’d never met me. And I’m not going to stand in the way of your dreams. I love you, Colby. I only want you to be happy.”
“You love me,” I repeated, licking my lips.
“Yeah.” Sky stuffed his hands into his pockets and nodded. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And the best thing I can do for you is let you decide what you want on your own. No fear, no guilt, no pressure.”
“Whoa. Wait, wait, wait.” I held my hands up and blocked his path. “What if I want this? You and me…”
Sky put his hands on my face and sealed his mouth over mine in a possessive kiss, then released me and stepped backward. “Take your time. You’ll know when you’re ready.”
I watched him walk away and disappear into the shadows. I was bruised and scratched and sore all over. My body ached and my head pounded. But it was nothing compared to the hole in my heart. The utter desolation penetrated my bones and left me feeling…empty and more alone than I’d ever been in my life.
I trudged through the quiet complex and up the stairs to my apartment. Elliot greeted me absently from his perch on the sofa. I grunted, heading to the kitchen to grab a water bottle. Elliot called my name before I turned down the hallway.
“Hey, did you guys win?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool. Come play FIFA 20 with me, dude. Tell me how awesome you were while I kick your ass,” he said.
“No, thanks. I’m gonna crash. I’m tired,” I said, leaning on the corner of the wall.
Elliot sat up and cocked his head. “It’s eight o’clock. Whoa. Rough game? You look like you got run over.”
I gingerly touched my sore jaw. “Schultz has a mean right hook.”
“Schultz did that?” he asked, standing to inspect my wounds. “What the fuck?”
“He looks worse.”
“What happened? And don’t say nothing. Teammates don’t beat the crap out of each other ’cause they’re a little jealous. Not even hockey players.”
I swatted his hand away and growled. “He said something I didn’t like.”
Elliot went still. “Was it about me?”
I gave him a “What the fuck?” look. “You? No, why would he say anything about you?”
“ ’Cause I’m queer.”
I hesitated for a second and shook my head. “No. It wasn’t about you.”
“What was it, then?” When I didn’t answer he tried again. “Was it about a girl?”
“No.”
“A guy?”
“I don’t—”
“Look, I know this has been weird for you, and I get that you have a strange way of showing allegiance but don’t get in fights for me. I know how to defend myself and—”
I threw my hands in the air and stalked to the kitchen area. “Geez, it had nothing to do with you!”
“Okay. Sorry. That sounded paranoid. What was it about?”
My heart accelerated, my mouth went dry and the longer I stayed silent, the heavier the air got. When I thought it might choke me, I opened my mouth and blurted, “I’m bi.”
Elliot closed the distance between us and sat on the barstool. “Huh? I don’t get it.”
“I’m bi too. There’s nothing to get. It’s just who I am, I guess.”
“Why didn’t you say something when I told you about me?”
“ ’Cause I didn’t know at first and then I didn’t want it to be true. I thought I was curious because of what you were going through. And you seemed happy with Drew and geez, even the sex sounded good and—”
“You heard us having sex?” he asked, dropping his jaw like a cartoon character.
“Yeah. I did. I heard it and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I couldn’t. And I’m sorry you thought I couldn’t handle your gay stuff. That wasn’t it. I was just going through my own stuff. It wasn’t you, it was me. And it’s still me.”
“Hang on. Back up and tell me everything,” he instructed.
I grabbed a package of frozen peas from the freezer and held it against my cheek as I filled Elliot in about my night from hell. “I feel so out of control, and I don’t like it.”
“No one likes that feeling,” he said before adding, “So…you and Sky, eh? I feel like I should have guessed. He seems cool.”
“He is. He’s…fuck, I don’t want to lose him.”
“I get it, but you have choices, Colb. You can tell the truth or a half-truth or a lie. Sky isn’t going to out you, Kendra doesn’t really know the truth, and Schultz is a bully. You can tell your team whatever you want, and they’ll believe you because you love the game. You’re not in it for the glory. You play hockey because it’s real and harsh and honest. And you put it before anything else in your life. Even yourself.”