“No, thanks.” Charlie widened his eyes and shook his head slowly. When she walked away, he kicked my shin. Hard. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Ow. Geez. Nothing’s wrong. I’m serious. I don’t care who knows. I don’t care if they know I can’t wait to do it again. You know, for an overly confident, fabulous dude, you seem to have a confidence leak,” I huffed.
Charlie patted his mouth with his napkin daintily. “The fact that you noticed doesn’t bode well for me. I told you I’m a mess. And since you know that now…why me? Why now? I know you’ve had some experience with other guys. Were they like me?”
“I don’t know anyone like you. I don’t think there is anyone else like you, Char. As far as why…I think we fit. I like being with you. You make me laugh, you make me crazy, you make me lose my place and remember what’s important. You make me want to bend you over this table and fuck you senseless. I’ve never come inside anyone before. It was literally the hottest thing ever. And it was even better because it was you. I have zero regrets about what we’ve done. If I did, you’d know it.”
“How?” he asked softly.
“We wouldn’t be sitting here right now. But the funny thing is…I don’t want to be anywhere else. I don’t want to run or hide or quit the band. I’m happy. And with all the family stuff going on, that’s kind of surprising,” I said with a half laugh.
“Hmm. Me too. This might seem forward, but…if we’re going to do it again, I think we should be monogamous. I don’t want to be with anyone else and if you feel the same way…”
“I do. Yeah. I want that. I want you. Only you.”
“Okay. Me too. I just want you to be sure.”
“I’m positive, Char. I don’t want to be anywhere else or with anyone else. I have no clue how to make you want me as much as I want you, but I’m okay to just hang out and try to make you laugh. I’m not gonna question it. I’m too grateful to wonder why, and I don’t want to jinx it.”
Charlie bit his bottom lip. “That’s so…romantic.”
“Really? I usually suck at romance. But I am good at keeping it real. And under your oversized sunglasses and invisible socks, I think you are too. So, let’s agree to a no-BS truce. We do what we want, no explanations required to anyone other than us. Maybe we can both set aside our doubts, acknowledge there’s something between us, and…start over.”
“From scratch?” he asked shyly.
“Exactly.”
“Okay.”
We shared a smile to commemorate our loose agreement to not fight the feeling. But when the moment stretched and my cheeks began to hurt, I cut into the side of his pancake stack and busted up laughing when he poured salt into my coffee cup.
“That was vicious,” I deadpanned.
“Drastic actions require drastic measures.” Charlie glanced around the restaurant, then at me. “I don’t see our waitress. I’m going to order breakfast for the band. Bribery might be a loser’s crutch, but bacon changes everything. Be right back, boyfriend.”
He paused for a moment as if waiting for my reaction. He wasn’t going to get one. I meant it when I said I didn’t do labels. Boyfriend, girlfriend, gay, bi…what difference did it make? If something was real and worth fighting for, it would reveal itself. Just admitting we wanted to be on the same page seemed like a lot for now.
When I held eye contact and traded his mug for mine, he snorted in amusement and slid out of the booth. I watched the graceful sway of his hips as he headed toward the front of the restaurant. He smiled at the hostess and said something that made her laugh and I just…I wanted to be part of it. I wanted all his details. I wanted to know if he used his casually flippant tone or if he laid on a little extra charm. I’d never met anyone who could cut you to ribbons with a look and offer a Band-Aid the next second. Yeah, I’d noticed it months ago, but this weird feeling, a combination of butterflies and cotton mouth, wasn’t going anywhere. And neither was I.
7
Charlie
Power outfits mattered. I was a firm believer that subtlety got you nowhere in life. If you wanted to be noticed, you’d better stand up tall in those perfectly pressed khakis and the designer shirt that cost more than your car payment, put a smile on your face, and act like you knew what the fuck you were doing. Even when you didn’t. The thing was, I’d made a tactical error in finagling a job working for my godfather’s boyfriend. Like it or not, Justin and I had become insta-family. He wasn’t likely to fire me for ineptitude, but just knowing he had cause made me anxious and irritable at the same time. My pink sweater wouldn’t impress the band, but I hoped the extra pancakes and bacon I ordered after Ky and I ate would soften them.