Starting from Scratch (Starting from 2)

He launched forward with his fist cocked. I raised mine too and braced for impact. I had nowhere to go and an instrument to protect. Justin stepped between us with his arms spread and his teeth bared.

“What the fuck is wrong with you two? If we weren’t going on in a minute, I swear to God, I’d kick you both in the nuts. Kiss and make up now. We’ve got a show to do, assholes,” Justin growled.

Tegan and I glared at each other while Justin and Johnny cast wary glances between us. The air was thick with a weird combination of anger and confusion. Naturally, that was when the club manager appeared to give us the green light.

“You’re on.”

“Cool. We’re ready. Right, guys?” Justin replied, fixing us with a stern look.

Tegan tapped his sticks and inclined his head. “Let’s do this.”

He led the way to the stage. Johnny followed. Justin grabbed my elbow before I could do the same.

“Hey, whatever it is, let it go. Or better yet, use it onstage. Don’t hold on to that shit. It’ll mess you up. C’mon.” Justin flashed a mischievous grin and clapped. “It’s show time.”

I gave him a curt nod, then headed down a short hallway and walked onstage. An immediate rush of energy enveloped me in a haze of bright lights and raucous cheering. I felt an instant sense of belonging. Like for the first time in my life, I was part of something that mattered.

The audience chanted my name when I plugged in and joined Tegan, who was already setting a beat for Johnny to do his thing. Tap, tap, boom, tap, tap, boom…Johnny angled his Stratocaster, closed his eyes, and let his fingers fly as he wove a melody Zero’s biggest fans would recognize two chords in. The fresh wave of wolf whistles and catcalls indicated they knew the song well. And when Justin stepped onstage and took his place at the mic, the crowd went wild.

I stood to his right and watched with amusement as our fearless leader worked his magic. Justin liked to think of himself as a songwriter first. And yeah, he was damn good at weaving words and building lyrical stories, but he was a talented performer too. He’d become an expert at reading an audience and manipulating moods. He could make them laugh or cry, or feel bursts of anger, pride, and solidarity. The kind of emotions that sparked a sense of personal empowerment and validation. You couldn’t pay enough money to be part of that kind of experience.

But Zero wasn’t the Justin show. We all played a role. And mine was to support the harmony. I played rhythm with Tegan, but my real job was to set the pulse that created the mood. Justin was right. I could use my anger to fuel my intensity in a performance. It was the ultimate safe space because no one onstage with me would let me drown in negative emotion. Least of all, Tegan. He met me beat for beat, catching up with me and pulling me in until we found ourselves again.

Justin swayed at the mic halfway through the show and grinned at me before turning to the audience. “My friend Ky here is a crazy motherfucker. Cool as a cucumber one second and a hotheaded SOB the next. You should have seen him backstage making trouble earlier.”

I shared a look with Johnny and Tegan before looking out into the audience. And in a sea of smiling, sweaty, happy fans, I spotted Charlie. He stood to the left by the bar and raised his glass in a toast. And somehow, it all came together for me. The music, the mood, the four of us onstage, and the five hundred people dancing and singing along to our songs. I was in complete synchrony with the moment. I wasn’t an observer hiding behind an instrument. I was an integral part of history in the making.

Don’t ask me how or why, but I had the craziest feeling Charlie was the key. He was the least mellow, calming force I knew, yet somehow he grounded me.

I grinned at him as I moved to the microphone and pulled it off the stand, shaking my head at Justin in mock dismay before addressing the crowd. “Come on now. Who do you think is the real troublemaker here? Me or…” I hitched my thumb at Justin.

Justin’s shit-eating grin grew to epic proportion when the crowd chanted his name. “Justin, Justin, Justin…”

He took the mic from my hand and shooed me away before launching into one of our newer songs, “Trouble.”

You’re gonna tear me apart and put me together again

You’re gonna lead me into trouble, but can you save me when I fall…’cause I’m falling

The impromptu moment probably seemed like a setup, but it wasn’t. It was chemistry at its finest. Balance restored. Harmony reset. Tegan smacked my shoulder and gave me a fist bump after the final encore. No words required.