Starting from Zero (Starting from 1)

I put a playlist together in my head. Muddy Waters, Patsy Cline, Peter Gabriel. And somewhere in the midst of my frantic list-making, I remembered a recent conversation with Justin about “go-to songs when you’re feeling like crap.” His words, not mine. I pulled my cell from my back pocket, scrolled for his number and pushed Call.

“ ’Lo?”

“Hi, it’s me.”

“Hey. Are you okay?” he asked in a groggy voice.

“Yeah, I just—” I raked my hand through my hair and sighed. “What time is it?”

“Um…two a.m. What’s wrong?” Silence. “Gray? Talk to me.”

“Nothing,” I lied. “I…hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was so late.”

“Are you alone?”

“Huh? Yeah. Of course. I’m always alone.”

“I’ll be right over. Leave the front door open,” he instructed before hanging up.

Fifteen minutes later, Justin showed up on my doorstep. He looked tired and concerned, but he didn’t ask any questions. He opened his arms, wrapped me in a strong embrace, and held on tight. Then he led me upstairs to my bedroom, undressed and instructed me to do the same before pulling me against him. We fell onto the bed in a tangle of limbs, groping, sucking, and licking. His warm skin, soft lips, and the scrape of his stubbled jaw felt like a salve of sorts. His touch felt healing, maybe even empowering. Like he was replenishing strength I temporarily lacked. When he bit my bottom lip and thrust his erection alongside mine and whispered, “I need to fuck you,” I simply nodded. I needed that too.

He reached for supplies in the nightstand drawer before crawling between my legs. He set a lubed finger on my entrance, then bent his head to swallow me whole as he gently pushed the digit inside. It wasn’t the first time he’d fingered me. He didn’t say it aloud, but I could tell he was used to topping. Every time he’d try a move that we both knew led to his dick in my ass, I’d stop him with a look. He’d back off and give me room to take over. Not tonight. I wanted…no, I needed to give someone else the reins.

Justin added a second finger, then a third as he alternately bobbed his head on my shaft and sucked my balls. I pulled my knees against my chest and writhed until I knew I couldn’t take much more. When I tugged his hair, he released me before straddling my torso and setting the tip of his penis on my lower lip. He swiped precum from his slit and then slipped his thumb into my open mouth. I arched forward and sucked wantonly…first his thumb and then his cock. Not for long, though. We were both getting too close too fast.

He ripped open a condom and rolled it on in record time before lying beside me. I chuckled softly when he gripped himself at the base and waggled his eyebrows in wordless invitation. But I didn’t hesitate. I climbed over him, set his cock at my hole, and slowly lowered myself. I took my time. I hadn’t done this in a while, but I hadn’t forgotten that it could hurt like hell before it felt amazing. Justin rubbed the inside of my thighs and languidly stroked me while he waited for me to adjust to his girth.

“You’re thick…so big.”

He flashed a goofy grin and chuckled. “Gee, thanks.”

I laughed at the playful twinkle in his eyes and felt myself begin to relax. And then I moved. The slow roll of my hips gave way to gentle rocking, back and forth, back and forth. I splayed my hands over the angel wing tattoo on his pecs before tweaking his nipples and finally letting go. I sat up tall and rode his cock like a fucking pro. There was nothing hesitant or unsure in my movement. I was with the right man doing something I loved and damn, it felt good. And when he flattened his feet on the mattress and thrust his hips in a steady upward motion, I groaned loudly and pushed his hand away so I could stroke myself as I picked up the tempo.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” I purred, biting my bottom lip.

“So do you, but I’m—fuck, I’m gonna come.” Justin squeezed his eyes shut and bucked his hips furiously.

“Get on top of me. Hurry,” I commanded.

He pulled me against him and rolled over me without losing a beat. When he lifted my right leg and kissed the inside of my calf, then gazed at me in wonder, I knew that was it for me. I clutched his ass to hold him close as I came. And Justin was right behind me. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck, trembling in the aftermath.

We lay entwined for a while. I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat until it returned to normal. Then we headed for the bathroom to clean up before falling into bed. I fell asleep with his arms around me, his chest against my back. I wasn’t a cuddler. I didn’t really like to be touched at all when I was sleeping. But I liked this. A lot. Maybe too much. Because when I awoke the next morning and glanced over at the gorgeous man beside me, I wanted to pinch myself.