Starting from Zero (Starting from 1)

“No, you switched teams and changed beds. You’re a lowlife loser, Justin. You hang on till you suck the life out of everyone around you. I had to leave or I’d never get anywhere.” Xena pushed her hair back distractedly and stepped into my space, pointing her finger at my chest. “So yeah…it’s pretty fucking ironic and extremely unfair that I have to track you down to ask you to do the right thing by all of us. Sign the contract so I can finally get you out of my life for good.”

“I repeat…what is she talking about? What contract?” Tegan furrowed his brow in confusion.

Xena cocked her head incredulously, then flipped her hair over her shoulder and let out an evil-sounding half laugh. “He didn’t tell you? Wow. Lucky me. It looks like I get to see my boyfriend fuck you twice. Justin and I were offered a movie contract to write and perform a song. We can both walk away with a fat paycheck and a little publicity…when he signs the fucking thing.”

“You mean for Zero,” Tegan stated, turning to me for confirmation.

“Your new band?” she scoffed. “No. This one is for Justin only.”

“Is that true?” Tegan asked.

“Yeah, but…” I pursed my lips and sucked in a deep breath. I couldn’t go into any detail about what I was trying to do for Zero with Xena there. It was easier and probably safer if she thought I was greedy.

“But…he’s trying to figure out how to screw me out of the deal. We’re running out of time. Maybe you can talk some sense into him before he blows it for everyone, T. If you could make that phone call tomorrow morning, I’d really appreciate it,” she said haughtily before turning down the alley.

I was aware of a lot of external noise at once…the clip of Xena’s boots on the pavement, the bouncer talking to a few rowdy customers on a cigarette break, my phone buzzing in my pocket. But everything faded to a dull static when I caught Tegan’s unrelenting stare. I shoved my hand through my hair and swallowed hard.

“Look, I’m sorry about that. I was waiting to talk to you guys tomorrow at practice but—”

“Are you quitting? We just started. I don’t get it. I thought you were into this.”

“I am!”

“Then what was she talking about? Don’t sugarcoat anything and don’t think about lying. Talk. And hurry the fuck up before I get fired too,” he said gruffly.

“First of all, I didn’t get fired, I quit. Second, I doubt your boyfriend is gonna let you go. And third, and most important…I didn’t lie!” I yelled.

“No, you just push all the bullshit under a rug. You can’t talk about anything important without freaking the fuck out.”

“And you can?” I paced toward the trashcans and back again. “We’ve been walking on fucking eggshells around each other for months. We talk about the band and mutual friends and whose turn it is to buy toilet paper, but we can’t talk about what we did. We don’t say it was a bad idea or a good one. We don’t say it was stupid or short-sighted or desperate. We don’t even admit it was fun.”

“You thought it was fun?”

“Sex is fun, Tegan. Of course it was fun. And you know what? I’m not sorry it happened.”

“You’re sorry we got caught,” he snarked.

“Yeah. I am. Because we feel guilty and we shouldn’t. I want to blame Declan for setting us up and starting the shitstorm that led to me unraveling and winding up on your sofa for eight months, but all that ugliness led us to Zero. We have a chance at something special, T. We have to get back to normal…me and you. I don’t understand why it’s so hard.”

“Because I don’t fucking trust you. And that…” He gestured toward the darkness before smacking my arm. “…is why.”

“Xena?”

“No, asshole. The secrets. We’re friends, we’re in a band together, and until ten minutes ago, we worked at the same damn club. If you have some contract or a new boyfriend, shouldn’t I know about it before your ex?” He threw his hands in the air and shook his head angrily. “I don’t expect to know every detail of your life, but when you told me you wanted us to give one hundred percent to Zero, I thought you meant it. I rearranged clients at the gym to practice, and I’ve been working with Charlie to get us a couple of real gigs. And I got Ky onboard. I fed them every BS line you gave me about being the number one band in the world someday while you’ve been writing a love song with a Hollywood songwriter. A love song? What the fuck is that all about? Since when do you write that shit? That’s not who Zero is, or is it?”