Starting From the Top (Starting from 5)

Outside of music, this felt like the closest I’d ever come to a religious experience. I wanted to cling to this moment for as long as possible. I’d never felt more connected to another human being in my life. Sure, that was an easy statement to make after mind-blowing sex, but there was something so much more here.

This man wasn’t supposed to be anyone to me. But he’d become my lover and then my friend. He might have looked like a warrior, but he was generous and kind-hearted. He gave money and time freely…but he kept himself out of the equation. Until now.

I cuddled close afterward, draping my arm across his stomach. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Sean cradled my chin and smiled. “No. It was fucking fantastic, and I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m not worried.” I propped myself on my elbow and ran my fingers through the hair on his chest. “I never thought that would happen. Your ‘alpha dog, top only’ vibes are strong. I wouldn’t have been surprised if you’d said you’d never been on the receiving end.”

“You would have been wrong. But it’s been…decades.”

“Before you were married.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Post-college experiment. That’s what I called it, anyway. I’d met him at a bar. We played pool for a few hours and talked about going to another bar. He followed me to my car, we made out for a while, and then…he invited me to his place. That ‘experiment’ lasted a couple of months. He always bottomed, but one day, he suggested switching things up. It was just okay for me.”

“There was no one after you came out?”

“There were plenty. But I never wanted that from anyone. It’s too…intimate for me,” he explained.

“Why now? Why me?”

“I trust you.” He traced my jaw and brushed his thumb over my lower lip. “I’d give you anything you asked for, Johnny. Anything.”

We gazed at each other for a long moment. For once, we didn’t joke around to defuse any potential awkwardness. We’d always been very careful not to ask for too much. We’d said from the beginning that was why this worked. But something had changed.

We shared pieces of ourselves. We talked about where we’d been, where we wanted to go, and that had seemed intimate in a way, but I couldn’t help thinking that physically letting me inside him meant something more. I should have been scared shitless. This was more than I’d bargained for. I hadn’t planned on falling in love or—

Oh.

Fuck.

I loved him.

Sean

My friends considered Sunday brunch a weekly high holiday and depending on the client, the perfect occasion to entertain. We met Darren and Harry at Mariposa, the bistro we owned on South Palm Drive. I greeted the host at the front desk as I scanned the modern café. Darren was in charge of the interior design at the two restaurants we owned in town. I was afraid his penchant for all things fabulous would result in super kitschy decor, however, he’d gone for a stark backdrop with contemporary chandeliers and massive jewel-toned art on the white walls. It was tasteful and elegant. And crowded.

“Hi, there. We’re here to meet Harry and Darren.”

The handsome young man behind the podium shot a bright grin at me, then turned to Johnny and froze with his mouth wide open. “Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Hi. I’m a big fan of your music. Zero is amazing, Johnny. Amazing!”

“Thanks, man. I appreciate it,” my lover replied, clearly amused.

“Right. Um, let me show you to your table. Wow. This is such an honor.”

The host hustled to Johnny’s side, barraging him with fanboy questions as he led us through the restaurant. A few surprised double takes and the growing twitter of excitement made me uneasy. I found myself looking for a ready exit in case I needed to guide him to safety.

“Thank you. I know the way.” I nodded brusquely at the host and pulled Johnny behind a potted plant before joining Harry and David. “Maybe this is a bad idea. You’re getting a lot of attention.”

Johnny widened his eyes comically and peered over my shoulder. “It’s weird. I wonder if Charlie did some kind of new promo. How’s my lipstick?”

I huffed. “Fine. The table is private and mostly hidden from view. Stick close to me. I bet your fans think I’m your bodyguard anyway, so this shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Relax. I’m not that big of a deal.” He winked and continued in a serious tone. “This isn’t official Zero business. Charlie gave strict instructions to let him handle that end. Fine by me. So I won’t be talking about bubbly water unless it’s super general. If your friends go too in depth, I need you to run interference.”

“Don’t worry about them. They’re characters, for sure, but they’re also very professional.”

The same couldn’t be said for Myron. Wow. There was no other way to put it…the guy was a Zero superfan. He stood when we approached the table, spared me a cordial hello, and grasped both of Johnny’s hands and shook them effusively.