Hold Me (Love The Way Duet 2)

“Let’s sell them.” I push the words out. “The main home and the two vacation properties down south.”

“And the belongings?” Kam’s question is gentle and I nod in response, picking up my drink to find it empty. I shake the glass, rattling the ice and with the straw I drain the tiniest bit of tea until there’s nothing left.

“And what about where you’re currently staying?” he asks cautiously. “The lodge?”

“We can keep it,” I answer him. “We were barely there together.” Fuck. It’s not like ripping off a Band-Aid at all. Not when the wound is still raw and bleeding.

“And the west wing?”

His answering question hangs in the air between us.

“What of it?” I say in a whisper. I don’t want it mentioned.

“We still have it closed off …”

When all I have is silence, he offers, “Maybe we redecorate it?”

I focus on pushing around the remainder of the food on my plate. Staring at the crumbs and remembering how that’s what hurt the most. Laying in a bed we shared, and waking up alone.

“Did Zander suggest anything else?”

“What?”

He gestures toward me, his tone relaxed and casual. As if he could disguise the fact that he’s attempting to change the subject since the current one has turned heavy. “Hair and nails. Does he want you to go to the spa too? Maybe to a lingerie boutique?”

Although his tone is humorous, my response is flat. “He wants me to create a new normal that would make me happy.” I force a smile, remembering how we went through the checklist two days ago. He sat with me while I made the necessary arrangements and Silas accompanied me to them, acting more as a chauffeur than anything else.

“A new normal?” Kam’s back straightens, his reaction not at all contained.

“We made a list,” I say after taking a deep breath in and leaning back in the chair. My appetite has vanished.

“A list of what you want your normalcy to be?” Kam questions and I nod. He nods along with me. “So what else is there, other than nails and hair?”

Chewing the inside of my cheek, I keep myself from reaching into my purse to take out the list and instead tell Kam only the ones he needs to know.

“Things like, make my bed in the morning and practice yoga before noon like I used to.” I’m quick to add, “I have daily affirmations.”

“What affirmations?” Kam asks, and judging by his expression, I know he’s still wary of Zander. I get it. I do.

“I will allow myself to feel grief and then let it go,” I tell him after inhaling slowly and Kam’s eyes widen slightly. “Damon approved it.”

Kam nods as he looks away, obviously uncomfortable but he says, “There was an affirmation I was using a bit ago.”

“Really?”

He meets my gaze to tell me, “When Gerald broke up with me.” His expression sobers. They were engaged and I still don’t know what happened; all I know is that I wasn’t around when they broke up. I was at the center.

Sucking in a breath, he tells me, “I give myself permission to do what is right for me.” He swallows thickly.

“I like that one. I really do.”

He pouts at my smile, a goofy expression on his face. “You should add that to your list.”

“I think I will.”

“Yoga, affirmations, anything else he wants in your new normal?” He returns to picking away at his chicken caesar wrap.

Shaking my head, I don’t tell him the hair and nails, and even my chosen outfit for the day, is all Zander’s choosing. My grooming and appearance are to please him. It’s a requirement for every day.

Along with accepting a list every day of what I should accomplish while he’s gone. He’s busy arranging everything in his new place nearby. I haven’t seen it yet, but he said once he has everything in order, since things have gotten chaotic with his leave from The Firm, then I can come see and maybe stay if Cade will allow it.

Kam asks in a humorous tone, “What about daily blow jobs?”

His last question is spoken at the same moment the waiter returns to refill my tea. I can’t help the grin that slips across my face at the sight of Kam’s embarrassment.

The waiter remains professional, although he’s obviously heard and has a hard time keeping a smile from creeping onto his face that would match mine. “Anything else I can get you?”

Kam asks for the check and I’m grateful he seems to forget about the list after the young man leaves.

“Speaking of blow jobs,” I murmur and prod him. “Anything new in your dating world?”

My playfulness falls flat. Kam’s lips are pressed in a thin line. “Gerald wants to get back together. He called a couple of nights ago and again last night.”

I’m surprised by how happy his admission makes me. “You two were so good together.”