A Wish For Love (Gates-Cameron 2)

I am greatly tempted to accept his offer. Sometimes the responsibilities I face alone are overwhelming. If I could turn over the daily operation of the inn to Gaylon, I would have more time for the children, and they do seem to need more and more of my time of late. Ian, particularly.

He isn’t a bad child. Just the opposite, in fact. He loves us so deeply that he can’t bear to think of anything changing. He is jealous, and feels threatened, and that makes him rather sullen, I’m afraid. He fears that Gaylon and Charles will disrupt the happy lives we have made for ourselves. I’ve tried to make him understand that I will have more time for him and Anna if I marry Gaylon, not less, but it is difficult for him to comprehend at his age.

I can’t really tell how Mary Anna feels about the situation. She tends to parrot Ian, but she is generally more accepting of change than he is. More tolerant of the weaknesses of others. She isn’t close to Gaylon, nor to Charles, but she doesn’t seem to actively dislike them.

Ian asked me if I still love his father. His question broke my heart. I did not know how to explain to him that my love for James will never waver, that I still love him so desperately there are times I wonder if I can go on without him. Even after all these years alone, there is not a day that goes by that I do not miss him, or see him in our children’s faces. Not a day that I don’t grieve for him.

How does one explain to a child that love is not always the foundation for marriage? I have not pretended to Gaylon that I love him, though I have assured him with complete honesty that I am fond of him. He doesn’t seem to mind. He told me he hopes my feelings for him will deepen with time. Perhaps he is right, though I have my doubts.

He will be a good husband to me. A father for the twins. Even for Ian, if the boy will allow it. Gaylon continues to assure me that Ian will come around when he realizes that he has no choice. I hope he is right. I coul

dn’t bear to hurt my son when all I want is what is best for him. Everyone is urging me to accept Gaylon’s proposal. Everyone says Ian needs a man’s influence. They all believe it is the right thing for me to do.

If only there were some way for me to know without doubt that they are right.

Oh, James, can’t you help me? Is there no sign you can give me of what you would have me do? I desperately need your guidance.

WITHOUT TAKING his eyes from Bailey’s face, Ian sat on the bench, careful not to touch her. “What do you mean you were waiting for me? How did you know I would come tonight?”

She shrugged, still smiling. “I just did.”

His attention focused on that gentle curve of her lips, the glimpse of white teeth between them. She had a beautiful smile. He thought of the way she’d smiled at Winter, and he scowled. “Who was your friend? The one who just left?” he asked, feigning ignorance of Mark’s identity.

She tilted her head. “You saw us?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you say something? I would have introduced you. He’s a good friend of Dean and Anna’s.”

“You looked quite friendly with him, as well,” Ian muttered, disregarding her question.

“He’s a very nice man. His name is Mark Winter, and he’s the editor of the local newspaper.”

Ian’s scowl deepened. “Oh.”

“He’s also very much in love with Dean’s housekeeper, Cara McAlister,” Bailey added deliberately.

Ian squirmed on the bench, wondering if his irrational jealousy had really been so transparent. “Is he?”

“Yes. Not that it’s getting him anywhere,” she added with a slight sigh. “Poor Mark.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Cara isn’t giving him the time of day. There are times when she seems interested—at least, to me, she does— but every time he gets close to her, she seems to put up an emotional wall. She’s afraid, I think. Dean believes she’s been involved in an abusive relationship, and now is wary of getting too close to anyone. That makes sense. It wouldn’t be easy to trust again, especially if the guy had been a violent jerk.”

Something in Bailey’s voice caught Ian’s attention. “You aren’t speaking from personal experience, are you?”

She turned away, but he could still see her profile in the soft lighting. He saw the slight spasm that crossed her face just before she answered. “In a way.”

His eyes narrowed. A wave of fury crashed through him. “You were involved with a man who used violence against you?”

He saw her swallow. “A few months ago, I dated a man who seemed nice enough. An art dealer who had a shop close to the antique store where I worked. He was really broken up about his recent divorce. I thought he needed a friend. We started dating, and things seemed to be going very well. He could be very charming—as long as things went his way.”

“And when things didn’t go his way?”

She grimaced. “At first, I was so eager to make him happy that everything was just great. And then, when I got involved with my own problems at work, I realized how one-sided the relationship really was. Larry didn’t care about my troubles. He only needed someone to constantly bolster his own ego. When I finally understood what he was really like and broke it off with him, he sort of went nuts.”

“Nuts?” Ian repeated, hearing the iciness of his own voice. Anna had once commented that the hotter his temper flared, the colder his voice became.