She did know that. One word, one small shove, and he would leave. And this time he wouldn’t come back.
Her fingers tightened on his shirt. “I can’t think when you kiss me. You confuse me.”
His hands cupped her face. “You aren’t confused, Jenny. You know what you want. What you’ve always wanted. And it isn’t this,” he added with a quick, dismissive glance around the room. “This sterile, impersonal, colorless place. I saw more of your personality when I went into your store the other day than I do in your home. And you’re thinking of giving that up, selling the business you’ve planned and worked toward and sacrificed for, just to stand at some politician’s side and smile?”
She started to draw back, vaguely offended that he’d disparaged the apartment she’d so painstakingly put together. Not to mention her potential lifestyle choice. “That’s not what I’d be doing. Not—not most of the time, anyway.”
“And this guy you can’t say you’re in love with? Does he like this place?”
“Yes, he does.”
“Is he aware that the only real glimpse of you in this room is hanging over the fireplace?”
She bit her lip.
He eased her lower lip from between her teeth with his thumb. “Does he confuse you when he kisses you?”
“Don’t,” she whispered, aching for something she couldn’t define.
He understood her quandary better than she did, it seemed. “Don’t kiss you? Or don’t tell you that I want to kiss you again? That I want to do a hell of a lot more than kiss you? That I’ve wanted you again ever since you fell into my bed at the cabin? That I realized I couldn’t walk away without telling you?”
He rubbed the pad of his thumb slowly across her trembling mouth. “You made a point to tell me you aren’t actually engaged yet. That he asked you days ago and you still haven’t decided on an answer. Doesn’t that tell you something? Even if I weren’t here confusing you, should it really take that long to make up your mind if you knew it was the right choice for you?”
She sighed heavily, old wounds throbbing deep inside her. “Gavin, you and I—we tried it before. It didn’t work. It was always too intense between us. I’m...I’m comfortable with Thad,” she added, trying to make that sound more satisfying than it suddenly felt.
He shook his head and she thought she saw sympathy and understanding in his eyes now. “I didn’t come back to ask you to choose between him and me. I just couldn’t leave without asking if you’re sure he’s any more right for you than I was. The real you, who escaped to a cabin in the woods to think rather than staying in this dainty apartment. The you who gets excited about opening a second store, but looks serious and logical when talking about a proposal of marriage. The you who comes alive in my arms every time we kiss.”
She swallowed a low moan.
Lowering his head a bit more, he looked deeply into her eyes. “Don’t throw away everything you’ve worked for just because it seems like something you should do, Jenny. Something you’d be doing mostly to impress your grandmother and to give you a shortcut into that lifestyle you were always told you should want for yourself. Despite what I said in anger before I walked out, you deserve a hell of a lot more than that.”
“I’m quite capable of making my own decisions about what’s best for me,?
? she assured him, though her heart had flinched with his words.
“You’re one of the most capable and intelligent women I’ve ever known,” he answered evenly. “But you were indoctrinated from an early age to equate money and social standing with happiness. We both know who’s to blame for that.”
“My grandmother has always wanted the best for me. She didn’t want to see me end up like my mother, struggling and grieving,” she reminded him, on the defensive again.
“I always thought she should let you make up your own mind about what’s best for you.”
She pulled away from him, freeing herself from his tempting touch. “I’ve always looked out for myself. Why else do you think I made myself walk away from you ten years ago when doing so was so hard I thought I’d never stop hurting inside? I knew I couldn’t change you, couldn’t persuade you to choose a safer career, but I knew also that I couldn’t handle the fear and uncertainty that came with it. I walked away to protect myself and because it wouldn’t have been fair for me to keep asking you to give up your dreams. And I’ve done quite well for myself since, I might add.”
Pushing a hand through his hair, he nodded. “I never doubted you would. You’ve accomplished almost everything you said you wanted. Are you really considering walking away from it, Jen? He can give you every material thing you desire, but can he give you the joy and fulfillment your shops bring you?”
He lifted his hand again, resting it against her cheek, and she remained frozen in place as he lowered his head to brush his lips against hers, very lightly. No pressure, no insistence, but so much tenderness that she could feel a fresh wave of tears pushing at the backs of her eyes.
“I can feel you starting to tremble again,” he murmured against her mouth. “I can almost hear your heart racing. It’s always been that way between us, from the first time we touched. We’re older, more experienced now, but the electricity between us hasn’t changed, not for me at least. You’re still the only woman in the world who can make my head spin just with a brush of your skin against mine.”
A moan escaped her before she could stop it. Her knees turned to gelatin, and her pulse roared in her ears. No, she thought in despair. No one else had ever made her feel the way Gavin had. The way he still did. Kissing Thad was pleasant. Even occasionally arousing. But not like this. Never like this.
She melted into him.
This time her mouth was as ravenous as his, as bold in acting on that craving. Her fingers still gripped his shirt, but in demand now, tugging him closer, holding him there even though he displayed no interest in moving away. She nipped his lip as if in punishment for making her acknowledge this desire, and she reveled in his throaty moan that was more pleasure than protest. Her tongue dueled with his, equally angry, equally hungry, equally fierce.
Equal.
His hands left her hips to sweep over her, as if to explore the changes time had brought to the body he’d once known as well as his own. She was a bit curvier than she’d been as a teenager, but judging by his murmurs of appreciation and by the impressive hardening against her upper thigh, Gavin was more than satisfied.