She held out her hand. Turned it palm up so that the ring was visible to him. “The life you’ve described would be a very good one. I’m sure you’d work as hard at being a husband and father as you have at running a business. Only a romantic idiot with totally unrealistic expectations would turn you down.”
“You aren’t an idiot, Tess.”
“Apparently, I am.”
The ensuing silence was almost suffocating. She drew a ragged breath into her aching lungs, her hand shaking a little as she continued to hold out the ring to him.
Say something. Please.
“What do you want from me?” He sounded honestly bewildered.
“Everything,” she answered simply. “I needed to know that losing me would break your heart. But that’s not something you were either able or willing to offer. And this pretty diamond isn’t enough to make up for that.”
“Tess, you don’t understand. I can’t... I’m not the kind who... I’ve tried before and I failed. And if I’ve hurt you now, I’ve failed again. I’m so sorry.”
She took his hand and made him accept the ring. “It’s not your fault,” she repeated, tormented by his obvious distress. “You did nothing wrong. You offered everything you had to give. I’m the one who got greedy. Like I said, I’m an idiot. I fell head over heels in love with you, Scott. I’ve probably been in love with you for six years. Isn’t that pathetic?”
“No.” His voice was a little choked as his fingers closed hard around the ring. It would probably leave a mark on his palm. “Not pathetic.”
“But foolish.”
He couldn’t seem to argue with that.
“I think you’d better go now,” she said with a strained, sad smile. “I’d hate to complete my humiliation by bursting into tears. Neither of us would care for that.”
“I don’t want to leave you like this.”
“Please.” She almost flinched at the entreaty in her own voice. The one thing she was determined not to do was to beg. “Just go.”
He walked slowly to the door. “Will I see you at the office next week?”
“I’ll come by to get my things and to make arrangements for a replacement. Maybe Damaris could take over my duties until you can hire someone permanent. Actually, you’ll probably have to hire a couple of people to replace me,” she added with wry candor. “You’ll need an office manager and a human resources manager.”
“You’re quitting?” So many emotions swirled in his face that it was hard to identify them all, but she saw the first glint of anger then. Good. Maybe it would make this easier if he got mad. At least that was a real, honest emotion. “You’re seriously giving notice?”
“Yes. Unlike you, I can’t go back to the way it was before. I can’t just stop loving you. And I won’t punish myself for it by working with you every day and watching you get over your disappointment and then move on. I deserve better than that.”
“Yes. You do. You deserve everything you want.” With that quiet statement, he turned and let himself out. He didn’t look back as he closed the door behind him.
She didn’t know how long she stood there just staring at the door, unable to move, unable to cry, unable to think beyond the dull realization that she had just ended her relationship with Scott and quit her job. She knew which loss was more devastating—but she’d loved her job, too. She would miss it almost as much as she would him. Or had she loved the job so much because of him?
The numbness began to wear off and the pain came in waves that crashed through her, slammed the breath from her lungs. A sound escaped her that was part sob, part moan. Nothing had ever hurt her as badly as this.
She needed not to be alone. But Stevie was out of town and she couldn’t crash Jenny’s first Christmas with her new husband. On an impulse she snatched up the keys to her rental car, tucked her bag under her arm and headed for the door.
Somehow she made it to her sister’s house without being in another car crash. Shivering in the cold that seemed to be coming more from inside her than outside, she huddled into her coat and rang the doorbell.
Having checked through the security window, Nina opened the door. “Tess, what on earth are you doing here? It’s nearly ten o’clock. On Christmas night! We’re already getting ready for— Oh, my God. What’s wrong? What’s happened?”
The tears had started, and there was no way she could stop them now. “Can I—can I come in? Please.”
“Of course.” Nina took her arm and drew her inside. “Let me make you some tea. You’re
freezing. You can tell me all about it once you’re warm.”
Tess allowed her big sister to lead her toward the kitchen, even though she wasn’t sure she’d ever be warm again.
Chapter Eleven