“But I think we should slow down again,” she finished in a rush. “Everything is still in transition here. We still have to think about Alexis, and you have your classes to finish. I’ve got midterm exams coming up, then all the hectic, end-of-the-year stuff. And—”
He held up a hand, his face inscrutable. “Okay, I get the message.”
“No regrets,” she repeated in case he’d missed that part. “It’s just…well, it’s just the wrong time for us to start anything that has the potential to cause so many problems in the long run.”
“I’m sure you’re right. As always.”
There was just enough sting in his words to make her wince. “Connor—”
He held up both hands this time. “No, Mia. I’m sorry. You really are right. It’s the worst possible time for me. For both of us.”
“Oh.” Her heart sank a little even as she told herself she was glad he was being rational about this. “Well—”
“I know you’ve had a lot to deal with the last few months,” he added. “It’s pretty well all been on your shoulders to keep the house going and take care of Alexis and keep up with your own work. Natalie was right about that.”
She grimaced. “No, she wasn’t. I’m sorry you heard what she said, but she didn’t know what she was talking about.”
“Of course she did. She’s your friend and she cares about you. She wants what’s best for you. As do I.”
Not sure where this was headed now, she tilted her head and studied him with a frown. “Um—”
“I’m going to start doing more around here,” he announced firmly. “I’ll still have to study, but I can do more of it at home so I can help you out a little more. If nothing else, I can do laundry while I study. Just takes a few minutes to throw in a load of clothes or fold some towels. I can certainly manage that.”
Surely he didn’t think her biggest concern was the division of household labor. “There’s no need for that. I said all along that we’d consider child care and housework my way of paying rent.”
He shook his head. “You’ve been doing too much. And you’ve done it all without a word of complaint. The least I can do to repay you for all your help is to pitch in a bit more.”
Repay her. The words sank heavily into her heart.
She had never wanted his gratitude. And she certainly didn’t want him to feel that he owed her anything. If he couldn’t understand that…
If he couldn’t under
stand that, then there wasn’t a chance that he could offer her what she really needed from him, she thought sadly.
He reached for his textbook. “Maybe I will read another chapter tonight. You said something about having some paperwork to do before tomorrow?”
Nodding numbly, she stood. “I’ll go do that now. I—Good night, Connor.”
“Good night, Mia,” he answered without looking up from his book.
Swallowing hard, she turned to leave the room, crossing her arms against a sudden chill.
By the middle of March, Mia had convinced herself that she and Connor had done absolutely the right thing in drawing back from an intimate relationship. They were both very busy during those two weeks.
As Connor has promised, he made more of an effort to help out around the house, sharing responsibilities for Alexis to give Mia more time for her spring duties at school. He still spent quite a few hours with his study group, of course, but he always made sure to ask if Mia needed him at home before he made plans with them. He started bringing home takeout once a week, so she didn’t have to cook, and he followed through on his promise to do laundry while he studied at the kitchen table. There were times when he was almost too helpful, getting underfoot and unintentionally interfering with the efficient routines she had established since moving in.
They were very polite, cheerfully friendly, scrupulously cooperative. Still friends, Mia thought with a fleeting sadness, if not the very best of friends anymore.
If Alexis noticed any difference, it wasn’t obvious. She continued to enjoy her school, her friends, her dance classes. She still entertained herself very well with her dolls and art supplies and enjoyed playing the video game with Connor whenever he could spare an hour. Duncan made an occasional appearance, always bearing gifts, and Alexis thrived on those visits from her pop. She still spoke occasionally of her life back in Springfield, but those memories seemed to be growing hazy for her. Mia thought it was mostly because she was so young that the child had adapted so easily to her new life.
Mia wouldn’t say that she, herself, was happy during those two weeks. But at least she was protecting herself from future heartbreak, she rationalized. Refusing to allow herself to get caught up in fantasy and foolish hope. That was the wisest course for her to take. Right?
So why was she so painfully empty whenever she stopped running long enough just to let herself feel?
It was another rainy Saturday afternoon, and Mia was mopping the kitchen floor when Connor came in. He stopped with a comical overbalance to keep himself from stepping on the wet tiles. “Oh. Sorry. Didn’t know you were mopping.”
“It’s okay. You can walk across it.”