“How is your aunt?”
“She’s doing as well as can be expected. She’s spending a few days in Fayetteville with my parents. Mom’s been very supportive of her sister through this ordeal and even Dad has been surprisingly sympathetic. He and my aunt aren’t exactly buddies still, but he’s staying out of the way for a few days so she can spend time with Mom.”
“I’m glad they have each other.” But who did James have? She rested a hand on his arm and repeated, “I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks, Shannon.” Only the faintest of husky undertone gave a clue to his emotions. He shifted his weight toward the door again. “I guess I’d better—”
Her fingers tightened on his arm. “James. Why did you come here tonight?”
His brows twitched downward for only a moment before he replied, “I told you. I saw the newspaper article and I wanted to congratulate you. And to give you the scarf.”
She shook her head and inched a bit closer to him so she could look him straight in the eyes. “Why did you come here tonight?” she repeated.
“I—well, I guess I just wanted to see you.”
“Why?”
He moistened his lips, looking more uncertain than she had ever seen him. “I’ve missed you,” he said simply.
“You could have called.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d want to hear from me.”
“No, that doesn’t cut it. Why did you come here tonight?”
She knew she was badgering him and that he wasn’t sure what she wanted, but she couldn’t seem to stop. If James walked away now, it really would be over between them. But even more importantly, she sensed that if he left now, if he buried his feelings again this time the way he always had, he would never break through the emotional barriers his parents had built around him. He had so much to give, so much potential behind those rigid walls—but if he didn’t find a way around them, she was afraid he would end up alone and unhappy.
She supposed he could find someone like his parents, someone who would be content to live the way they did, engaging their intellects while suppressing their feelings, feeding their brains and starving their hearts. She couldn’t bear the thought of James giving up and doing the same. He had admitted more than once that he had tried very hard not to be like his parents, despite his fondness of them.
She looked fixedly up at him, willing him to communicate with her. To truly connect with her.
And suddenly, it was as if the curtains lowered for only a moment behind the dark surfaces of his eyes, giving her a brief look at what lay behind. The glimpse of pain, of isolation and loneliness broke her heart.
“I needed you,” he said simply.
He wasn’t the only one who had to accept some hard facts, she realized abruptly. She had made some foolish mistakes herself. She’d been so stubborn in insisting she didn’t need anyone in her life that she had been completely blind to the fact that maybe James had needed her. And that just maybe she needed to be needed.
“I’m sorry,” he said with a slight shake of his head. “I shouldn’t have—”
Rising onto her tiptoes, she wrapped her arms around him, clinging tightly. After only a moment, his own arms went around her and he buried his face in her hair.
“I’m so sorry you’re hurting,” she murmured into his ear. “I know you’re sad.”
He nodded into her hair, his face still hidden from her. “I just wish there had been something I could have done for her,” he muttered. “My aunt called me, begged me to come. All this training, all this education—and she still slipped away with me and two other doctors standing right there beside her bed.”
She blinked back a surge of hot tears, knowing this wasn’t the time to shed them. “You won’t be able to save them all, James. You know that intellectually. Now you have to accept it emotionally.”
He nodded again.
“It hurts you so badly this time because she was your cousin and you loved her,” she added quietly. “You’ll be an even better doctor because now you’ll understand how your patients’ families feel. You’ll never again see your patients as challenging puzzles or interesting medical cases. You’ll see their hope and their fear and you’ll remember Kelly. You’ll empathize with the people who place their trust in you and they’ll find reassurance in your caring. And for all of those you save, you’ll understand exactly how much suffering you prevented because you chose to put your knowledge and your skills into practice.”
Her vision was still blurred by a film of liquid when she drew back a little to look at him. His eyes were dry, but still seething with his grief and frustration. “You’ll be such a wonderful doctor, James.”
He drew a long, deep breath, his eyes slowly clearing. But maybe they weren’t quite as shuttered as they usually were? Maybe he was letting her see just a little more of his thoughts, whether intentionally or because he was too weary to hide them completely?
“I didn’t mean to burden you with this tonight,” he muttered, pushing a hand through his hair.
“I’m sure your parents are brilliant people, James, but they’re full of beans in some ways.”