Yet, deep inside he continued to be bothered by the feeling that something was going on between him and Haley that he didn’t fully understand.
The second month of the surgery rotation consisted of two, two-week blocks. Haley had selected burn and transplant as her choices; Ron had opted for plastics and vascular surgery. While she knew burn surgeries would be difficult to witness, Haley thought there was much to learn in that specialty. Transplants also intrigued her. She assumed Ron had similar reasons for making his choices.
Her schedule now was as hectic as it had been during the first month of surgery. Once again she had to be at the hospital before dawn. By the time she dragged home hours later, she was exhausted from being on her feet all day. The surgeries lasted for hours, and the O.R.’s were kept extremely warm to preserve the patients’ body heat. The patients were very sick, which meant there was a lot of tension in the room, the constant threat of the patients coding.
She was able to do quite a few things in that rotation, including assisting with skin grafts. She was proud of herself for handling the sights and the pressure; only once did she have to step out for a moment when the heat made her a little light-headed. She followed recommendations she’d learned during the first month of surgery to keep her knees unlocked and to make sure she kept her blood sugar up by having a good breakfast and occasional protein breaks. Both helped her endure the long procedures.
Because of their hours and because they were assigned to different hospitals, she and Ron didn’t see much of each other during those two weeks. It bothered her how badly she missed him even during that brief, busy separation.
It was ridiculous to feel that way, she chided herself. They had their own lives, their own interests, their own paths ahead. She predicted fast-paced, fulfilling careers for each of them.
Whatever direction their individual choices took them, she hoped they would always remain friends. She couldn’t bear the thought of a future that didn’t include Ron in some way.
Oddly enough, it was the fear of losing his friendship that made her push him away after Thanksgiving. She was aware of what she was doing, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. The more heated their physical relationship became, the more she worried that the inevitable end would be explosive. Painful. Making it impossible for them to maintain any sort of friendly connection afterward.
She couldn’t say she regretted that she and Ron had given in to the attraction that had simmered between them from the start. In hindsight, it seemed inevitable that they would end up in bed together. Maybe it was as certain that their parting would be as volatile as their friendship had always been. But just the thought of a bitter split made her heart ache. She felt helpless to stop it, paralyzed by indecision—and ruefully aware that her apprehension was leading to the very outcome she dreaded.
Ron called when he had free time, and they talked easily enough, sharing stories about their days. But each time he suggested they get together for dinner or a movie or just to spend a little time with each other, she demurred, telling him that she was simply too busy or too tired or too overwhelmed with studying and preparations for the next day’s demands. She sensed he was growing annoyed with her excuses, but he didn’t push for explanations, to her relief.
Compounding her many responsibilities, the class holiday party was scheduled for the second weekend in December, the Saturday before Ron was expected for his family’s Christmas gathering. Because she was expected to arrive early to help with the decorations and preparations, she told Ron that she’d take her own car to the country club where the party was being held. He agreed, though he sounded a little cool and grumpy when they ended that phone call shortly afterward.
Tossing her phone aside, Haley sank into the cushions of her sofa in her quiet, lonely apartment, sadly wondering if the affair had already ended because of her cowardly machinations. And wistfully hoping that she and Ron could somehow find their way back to friendship if it had.
Though she arrived at the country club more than an hour before the party was supposed to begin, there was barely time to complete all the preparations. She and Anne, who’d volunteered to help, surreptitiously high-fived when they finished just as the first guests began to wander in.
There hadn’t been time for chitchat while they’d worked, but they could relax now as they both accepted a glass of wine from a smiling server.
“Have I told you how nice you look tonight?” Anne asked, motioning with her wineglass toward Haley’s sleek, floor-length black dress. “I haven’t seen that gown before.”
“I found it on a clearance rack last weekend,” Haley confessed with a laugh. “I realized sort of at the last minute that I had nothing to wear to a dress-up affair.”
Anne looked beautiful in a long, silvery-blue dress that complemented her blond hair and fair skin, and Haley told her so. “It’s a shame Liam isn’t here to admire you.”
Liam roamed around the globe for the adventure travel program he hosted on cable television. Haley never knew where he was when he wasn’t in Little Rock with his wife.
Anne sighed. “He’s in Kuala Lumpur. But he promised he’d be home in time for Christmas.”
“Glad to hear that.”
Anne glanced around the rapidly filling room, waving to acknowledge a greeting before asking, “Where’s Ron?”
Haley glanced at her watch with a frown. “I guess he’s running late. I thought he’d be here by now.”
“How’s he been? I haven’t seen him since before Thanksgiving.”
“He’s fine, though he and I haven’t had time to see each other much during the past two weeks, either. I talked to him last night, though. He’s enjoyed plastics. He said he had a cool resident who let him do a lot. The reconstructive part of plastic surgery appealed to Ron; he liked seeing what they can do to make the patients stop dreading looking into a mirror.”
“That sounds like Ron. He really is a marshmallow, isn’t he?”
“Yes, I suppose he is. Especially when it comes to kids. He has a gooey center in that respect.”
“He’ll be a great dad someday.”
Haley swallowed in response to the seemingly out-of-the-blue comment. Thinking of Ron as a father gave her a funny feeling deep inside her chest, a combination of sadness and longing. She’d always imagined herself having children someday. There was still that tricky double standard in medicine, as in so many careers, which made it more difficult for women than for men to take time to have families, but she knew it was possible.
As for Ron—he had trouble fully committing even to a career path, always wanting to leave his options open in case he changed his mind. She doubted he would be eager to take on the lifelong responsibilities of parenthood. “Maybe someday.”
Had Anne been hinting when she’d said that Ron would make a good father? Probably. After her initial reservations, Anne seemed to have concluded that Haley and Ron made a good couple. Being blissfully married herself, still practically in the honeymoon stage, she could be forgiven for wanting the same happiness for her friends. But Haley and Ron? Surely Anne could see how unlikely that imagined happily-ever-after would be.